Dribble, pass, shoot -Simple Concepts, yet Complex in Execution; EXTRACURRICULAR ACT

Nov 14, 2012 #1

Dribble, pass, shoot-simple concepts, yet complex in execution when it comes to my favorite sport, soccer. It is the teamwork, strategy, and pure adrenaline rush that I get when I'm on the field that elevates my passion for it. My biggest achievement was at the semifinals of one of the world's largest youth soccer tournaments, the Dana Cup in Denmark. Our team was down to 10 men and we had just tied the game in the injury time. A penalty shootout was to decide the verdict. After four shots, the score was 4-3. We needed a goal to seal the victory. My coach called me and said, "This is everything you have been trained for." I was nervous, but I told myself, "its now or never." I got myself together, looked at my teammates who had their hopes pinned on me, and took the shot. I scored, and we won. I felt ecstatic.

I just made this draft of the common app essay. Any revisions that you suggest ?

Songkong 4 / 8

Nov 20, 2012 #2

I really liked your opening sentences, it really captures your love of the game.
I suggest that you elaborate more on the game and create a tone of urgency and uncertainty.
how long is the essay supposed to be?

grateful1 6 / 17

Nov 20, 2012 #3

I would focus more on how the game contributed to personal growth

OP rahullmantri 1 / 4

Nov 20, 2012 #4

thanks a ton! the essay is supposed to be about 150 words or 1000 characters.

dumi 1 / 6793

Nov 20, 2012 #5

AWESOME! :)

With the given word count, I think you have done a great job. It well describes your involvement with soccer, your passion, your focus, and its influence on your character. I dont think you can do any better than this.

In my view, you address everything the prompt expects from you. Good Job!

OP rahullmantri 1 / 4

Nov 20, 2012 #6

thanks!