Dribble. Shoot. Score.; Rice Application Essay - Extracurricular Activity

Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences. (150 word limit)

Dribble. Shoot. Score. For me, basketball is not just a game; it is a state of mind, a constant reminder that hard work can pervade all difficulties. My body tense, eyes darting around, and the ball in my hands coated with perspiration. One bounce. My mind drifts off into the past as the intolerable feeling of losing my first basketball game float through my mind. The disappointing faces of my parents and team mates as we make our way off the court. Two bounces. My mind races back to the nights at my old elementary school; the rain blurring my vision as I shot basket after basket until the darkness encased the hoop. The puddles of water drenching my socks and shoes as I dribbled alone through the puddles only to lose the ball in a whirlwind of anger. Shoot. My body and mind alike, focusing on the basket. Score.

I really like your intro. It really grabbed my attention and pulled me into the action of dribbling and shooting a basketball.

Although you seem to be going for the 'in the midst of things' 'sketchy' kind of feel, I think you can improve your essay by adding some verbs and fixing a few grammar errors:

-"My body tenses , eyes darting around, and the ball in my hands coats with perspiration."
-"... feeling of losing my first basketball game floats through my mind."
-"The disappointed faces of my parents and team mates as we make our way off the court."
-"My mind races back to the nights at my old elementary school; the rain that blurred my vision as I shot basket after basket until the darkness encased the hoop and the puddles of water that drenched my socks and shoes as I dribbled alone through the puddles only to lose the ball in a whirlwind of anger."

Overall, your essay is really descriptive. Your conclusion is especially catchy and a nice way to finish it off. It looks great!

Hello winginger,

Thank you for your feedback. I was wondering if any parts of my essay demonstrated my handwork and perseverance which is what I was aiming for.

Thanks,
kevyn33