Duke's campus, combined with Gothic-style and Georgian-style architecture, is unparalleled in beauty

the prompt: "If you are applying to the Trinity College of Arts and Sciences as a first year applicant, please discuss why you consider Duke a good match for you. Is there something particular about Duke that attracts you? (Please limit your response to no more than 150 words.)"

my rough draft: To be apart of a group of students as smart, creative, and prideful as the one at Duke University would be a dream come true. Duke's campus, combined with Gothic-style and Georgian-style architecture, is unparalleled in beauty and creates such an air of determination it's unheard of to not be motivated in your schoolwork. Being a fan of college sports, I dream about tenting in K-Ville before any game. The hype that swirls through those tents is unrivaled.

Thriving as an outstanding student is very important to me and getting to know the professors is crucial in being successful in any level of education. The 8:1 student/faculty ratio makes that very possible. Scheduling lunches with Susan C. Alberts, who works with the behavior of social animals, would be not only intellectually stimulating but also help bridge the gap between my love for animals and my interests in psychological behavior.

Carli, your response to the prompt is too vague. Trying to touch on all the aspects of Duke that attracted you to apply to the university is not exactly the best way to respond to the prompt. The prompt itself is quite clear, you should have chosen only one aspect of Duke and built your essay upon that. If I were the one writing this essay, I would definitely have chosen to build upon the academic aspect of the response. Specifically, the chance to have lunch with Ms. Alberts as this would be in direct relation to my chosen major and, quite possibly, help to define my future career path. The proper response to the essay lies in the way that you would take advantage of the educational opportunities, both formal and informal, that Duke has to offer and how you feel it would benefit you. Those are the reasons or that is the reason why you chose to apply to Duke.

ok, thank you so much
I'll work on that