Please see if there's any room for improvement. Especially the word choices and sentence structures .. Thanks :)
The University of Rochester offers many rare advantages, building from our "Meliora" ("ever-better") motto that has inspired generations of scholars, professionals, and artists. Describe what's leading you to apply, and what kind of "Meliora" experiences you want to have here in Rochester and beyond. (250 words max)
A part of me was missing. I searched here and there until I found you. A part of me is still missing, which only you can fill up with your dandelion yellow and mild blue.
You wanted to know why I am prone to having a bond with you. Your open curriculum complements my philosophy. You are a nexus where I can satisfy my yearning for innovation and progression. Together we can enhance ourselves within the sphere of human knowledge. I will eventually grow my knowledge on cloud computing through the painstaking and loving research facilities that only you can compound.
Fondness of music always remained a secret within me. I still love getting lost in the serenity of Clapton's fascinating guitar work in 'Running on faith'. With your Take Five program, I wish to spend one year learning about Audio and Music Engineering.
By being an Eco-rep or a member of Team Green, I wish to become your disciple to attain our precious sustainable campus, together. I am ready to take a pledge in going green for a better world.
I understand your taste, your knack for diversity. For someone of your caliber, your eclectic choices set you apart. Understanding the values of cross cultural relationship, I want to evolve as a 'global' human being. Who else can guide me better than you?
I followed my heart that led me to you, led me to adore your originality, your compassion. Missing in my ever-better story is just your commendation.
DeppX
Missing in my ever-better story is just your commendation.
The wording in this sentence is awkward. Perhaps "The only thing missing in my ever-better story is your commendation."
I enjoyed this a lot. I would even go out on a limb and tell you to ignore all non-grammatical advice, as the style and tone of the essay is undeniably original. It doesn't hurt that you write well and show that you have researched the University of Rochester well too. Good job!
