Hello guys~I'm rushing to the application deadline on 15th January, and I'll appreciate all your advice on how to make this draft more persuasive and coherent!!! Good luck with all your applications~~
Describe your academic interests and how you plan to pursue them at USC. Please feel free to address your first- and second-choice major selections. (250 words limit)
My fascination with economics originated from my parents' electronic components wholesale company. Their acuteness of attracting customers and deciding which mobile phone models to sell always sparked my curiosity. When I studied AP Microeconomics, I was excited to explain the apparently simple buy-and-sell activity with cost and revenue curves in perfectly competitive markets. Their striving to explore the latest products helped prevent them from becoming a price acceptor controlled by supply and demand. Learning economic modeling has cultivated me to analyze the backgrounds and influences of business organizations.
When I read about behavioral economics, I thought of my irrational anticipation as I mocked trading in bullion market. Behavioral economics' approach to disprove that we were ideally rational introduced me to the human aspects of economics. In order to understand the decision-making process inlaid in economic activities, I hope to pursue the Consumer Behavior minor and gain a holistic understanding of the factors that deviate us from being economic men.
Before furthering these interests at Dornsife, I should first transition into a researcher by attending a First-Year Investigation course. Starting from the broad exploration of Core Curriculum, I look forward to applying new understanding of western culture and society to my international trade related electives. The Los Angeles Behavioral Economics Lab will be my second classroom to hone my ability to test behavioral hypotheses. In addition, I will join the Joint Educational Project to observe local agencies and apply organizational theories. In general, I find USC's diverse campus the best place to gain a comprehensive and international perspective.
Write more about USC, the only thing you write about USC is the last sentence, explain your goals at that university.
Add more at the end and use not so many words in the second part of the essay.
I second the above opinion. Besides that, here are some pointers:
Their acuteness of attracting customers and deciding which mobile phone models to sell always sparked my curiosity -- Their acuteness of attracting customers and deciding which mobile phone models to sell never fail to awe me, and sparked in me an immense curiosity to learn economics.
When I read about behavioral economics, I thought of my irrational anticipation as I mocked trading in bullion market. -- I am not sure what you intend to convey, but you can definitely omit this sentence. The next sentence would provide a better intro. to the paragraph.
In the last para, change all the will's to would's.
In addition, I will join the Joint Educational Project to observe local agencies and apply organizational theories. -- I would join the Joint Educational Project to observe local agencies at work, which would give me opportunities to apply organizational theories to the real world.
Let me know if you need further help, I would be more than happy.
Could you please critique my Cornell essay? The deadline is in 1 hour!
thanks thenewdude！ sorry for miss your deadline...but i don't understand why i didn't talk about usc, the whole third paragraph is about it! the 1st sentence of paragraph 2 is to connect my experience with this economic area, but it seems i didn't elaborate it well...
also, any other comments? i wanna finish editing it today thanks
LiangWu
Hey! Yeah, when I read it again, I realized that you had in fact talked about USC extensively in the third para. My bad.
Nah, can't think of anything to add. Do post an updated copy, maybe that'll help.
Bdw, I am submitting that Cornell essay in 45 mins (about 2hrs 15 mins late, which is apparently acceptable). I'd appreciate if you could go over and look at it.
