'the economics section is what I turn to first' - NYU Supp

Too many worlds, please give comments and tell me which part is useless
Thanks

please elaborate on an academic area of interest and how you wish to explore it at NYU's campuses in New York or Abu Dhabi or at one of our global academic centers around the world. Please share any activities or experiences you have had that have cultivated your intellectual interests leading you to choose to study at the NYU campus of your choice.

Everyday when I got the newspaper, the economics section is what I turn to first. This has become my habit because the economic world is what I am most concerned about.

When discussions on their daily work became their major topic, my parents ,who are both working in banks, have no idea that they have made big influence on me. My primary curious gave me the motivation to know more on banking area to figure out what my parents were talking about.

Through frequent encounters with ideas from economists around the world and in history later, I was deeply attracted by economics. Gradually, I realized that my current knowledge should be updated. The process of self-taught AP last year helps consolidate and support my desired degree choice.

To have an overall version of universities' researches in economics, I got an internship with a professor. After working on several researches with him , I got an general version on how to collect and analysis data. I am writing my own research paper on food safety with his help. Via email, he pinpointed several mistakes I made like collecting convenience data. This experience broadened my perspective and gave me new insights into the depth of my field.

I want to have similar experience under NYU's professors, who are associated with outstanding research institutions. I notice some of the best economists like Alan Greenspan have had their own NYU experience. To further investigate into the efficient market hypothesis and its relationship with economy, there is no better place than the New York University.

Indeed, I view economics as a special division of evolutionary science that, in some degree, discusses how different organisms can be more efficient in using limited resources, while being highly adapted for the use of more complicated human societies.New York University's economics department will give me special opportunities on academic area as well as programs and activities.

It's a great essay! It's concise but also includes your reason for liking economics, your experiences related to it, and your reasons for choosing NYU.

Mind me saying, i have a few suggestions that i think are helpful to better this draft.
1.


revised: my primary curious curiosity
2.your interests in economics have strong reasons - you like reading economical section on newspaper and you learn a lot from your parents. But i think this part can be stronger. Maybe tell a little story how your father explain some economical terms to you, or elaborate on a scene that, while your parents were working, you observe them and listen to them carefully~~~blahblah~~.Or you can simply begin this draft by a quotation from your parents. Maybe i'm not speaking it clearly, but i just suggest you demonstrating your original likings for economics in a more vivid and personal way. That might be more impressing.

3.According to my limited knowing of NYU, one of its obvious advantages is its proximity to New York - it's actually in New York! Thus, students can really witness the most stupendous economical moves in Wall Street and find plenty of opportunities of internships, programs, and jobs. I think you might mention this one in your "why choosing NYU" part, and you can also add some details of NYU education in your last paragraph, showing that you've down many works in knowing NYU.

These are just some subjective advices. Hope they're helpful and wish both of us good luck~!

Thanks.
My Why NYU essay mainly talks about NYC so I didn't talk about that in this essay.
All your comments are very useful. Thanks!!

my reverse one
Through frequent encounters with ideas from economists around the world and in history, I was deeply attracted by economics. As time goes by, I realized that my current knowledge should be updated. The process of self-taught AP last year helps consolidate and support my desired degree choice.

To have an overall version of universities' researches in economics, I got an internship with a professor in UC . After working on several researches with him , I got an general version on how to collect and analysis data. I am writing my own research paper on food safety with his help. Via email, he pinpointed several mistakes I made like collecting convenience data. This experience broadened my perspective and gave me new insights into the depth of my field.

I want to have similar experience under NYU's professors, who are associated with outstanding research institutions, even Wall Street! I notice some of the world-renowned economists like Alan Greenspan have had their own NYU experience. To further investigate into hypothesis, there is no better place than NYU, where theory is best understood and the legacy is rich.

Indeed, I view economics as a special division of evolutionary science that, in some degree, discusses how different organisms can be more efficient in using limited resources, while being highly adapted for the use of more complicated human societies.New York University's economics department will give me special opportunities on academic area as well as programs and activities, changing my whole entire life.

more help?

You said that your Why NYU essay mainly focuses on New York City. Too many applicants talk about that. You still need to focus on programs or other attributes of NYU on your first essay as well.