Education is the best gift, "Greatest personal achievement\accomplishment"

Hi! ^___^ I need some help. :DD

My greatest personal achievement or accomplishment is my realizations.

So here's my essay. :D

"My greatest personal achievement or accomplishment"

As I was growing older, I little by little came to realize the meaning of life and the things that I should be thankful of. When I was younger, I didn't give importance to studying or even the gifts given to me. But then, as I become a young adult, and I face the truth and fact of reality, I slowly came to regret the things I wasted while other children were working so hard, day and night just to be able to eat instead of playing and studying like what a normal child should be doing. I know I couldn't help them physically or financially, but I know to myself that I can help them by studying hard and giving importance to the things I have now. That's why I try my best in everything I do to be able to have a good future and to be able to reach out to others in every way I can. Because I believe and have faith that through good education and the perseverance to help, everything is possible. Not only will I be fulfilled, I would also make other people happy through the things I could do for them. I honestly admit that I did not receive any award throughout my grade school and high school years. But for me, the awards received in school are nothing compared to the joy of being able to help our brothers and sisters. Awards such as Academic, conduct, or the recognition given in participating an event is a big help in being able to enter a good college. But most likely, if our only purpose is for self-greed, then these awards are nothing. Education is the best gift we could keep that can never be taken away from us. It is also the best gift we could share with others. That's what I've learned, and that is why I will do everything I can to be able to enter this school and be the best I can be for others and myself.

So what do you guys think about my essay? Do I have to use the 3-part paragraph form?

...the things for which I should be thankful.

When I was younger, I didn't give importance to studying or even the gifts given to me. But then, as I become a young adult, and I faced the truth...

I think you should paste this into a word program and hit ENTER at the end of each sentence so that you can look at the list of sentences. Then, delete any sentences that say something you have already said.

After that, take the 5 most powerful sentences and use them to start some distinct paragraphs. Do not write the essay as one long paragraph. Instead, think of a sentence that tells the MAIN idea that the reader should memorize and remember you by.

Then, use the other paragraphs to support this main idea.

Each paragraph = one idea
One essay = one big idea supported by paragraphs.

Try rewriting this in paragraphs that each consist of 4 or 5 sentences.

:-)