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Effective Anecdote on the Impact of Debate Team



ezziebestie 2 / 10  
Jan 17, 2011   #1
This is a short anecdote for the Common Application short answer section stating to elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences. I'm just pondering if the reader can really understand the impact of debate team and understand the passion I have for it. There's a 150 or 1000 word character limit and I'm sure I went beyond that point so if anyone could offer any assistance i condensing this paragraph down it would be greatly appreciated.

With my tongue sharpen and my mind armed with an impressive arsenal of words, I knew I could shred into my opponent's argument without any hesitation. It was my first debate match so the pressure weighed down on me and adding to that I was the one out of the only two underclassmen out of a team full of upperclassmen that were ready to pounce if I stumbled even on the simplest word. The timer went off and it was my turn. I stood up as boldly as I could with the only sign of nervousness was my sweat drenched hands. As I stood at the podium, I took a second to fathom what I was about to do. I, a sophomore in high school, was debating against some of the best and brightest upperclassmen in the school district. I took a deep breath and passionately stated my argument. The timer went off and my turn was over. As I walked back to my seat, my teammates nodded their heads in approval and I knew that I succeeded in what I set out to do. My team and I restlessly waited for the judges to deliberate. The judges announced that my team had won. I swelled with pride. Not only did I win my first debate match, I also earned the respect of my teammates. At that moment, I knew that the debate team would give me the tools to succeed in life. The ability to think quickly and rationally under pressure, communicate clear and effectively, to broaden my scope of the world around me to beyond the walls of America are all skills I have gained from being a part of the debate team.

EF_Kevin 8 / 13053  
Jan 19, 2011   #2
With my tongue sharp and my mind armed with an impressive arsenal of words, I knew I could shred into my opponent's argument without any hesitation.---This is a great intro, but I just wanted to make those small changes.

You have some excellent sentences. To condense, start by killing that. Killing what?! That. You can almost always kill "that." see below:
...and I knew that I had succeeded. in what I set out to do. My team and I restlessly waited for the judges to deliberate. The judges announced that my team had won. I swelled with pride. Not only did I win my first debate match, I also earned the respect of my teammates. At that moment, I knew that the debate team would ...

And I cut some sentences that explain that you won, but the reader will get the idea even without you telling that.
:-)


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