personal ego - Yale Supplement Short Answer

Hi! So I know this is just one of the short supplement questions;however, at this point I am being a little fastidious with all aspects of my application. So, I would sincerely appreciate any feedback. Don't be hesitant to be critical!! (my problems concerning my answer at this point is that it may be too general and not really address a specific issue i.e. carbon outputs or racism)

What is the most significant challenge that society faces today? (50 word limit.)
At its most basic level, many of the world's perils concern the individual. It is the failure of many individuals to overlook their personal ego, which encompasses the values and opinions one holds, for the sake and benefit of a greater population that severely hinder the progress of our society.

I really like how your answer is original. If there is anything I would change it's the word 'ego' since ego gives off a negative connotation. I don't think it's too general, since you can only be so direct with 50 words. And it's a good thing that you didn't stick to something like racism or carbon output since your answer will stand out from the hundreds of answers that do address those issues.

this supplement isn't for yale lol

this is too confusing. Simplify it. Too many words will make admissions officers lose interest

Oh my gosh yeah I was looking at my Stanford application while trying to edit my Yale application. LOL

I agree with hazelhoff. The idea is interesting but its too verbose, making it lose clarity.

My idea was that people are blinded by their "ego" which more generally just means they are set in their ways and unwilling to even consider change. The unwillingness for change is the root of all challenges that society faces (i.e. racism persisting because people are resistant to accepting people that are different from themselves)

Okay, then say that :) way more clear...maybe subjective is a better term? Society may be too subjective?

On the first read I realy didn't get it, which means it is definetely too complicated. as the other said, try to simplify the whole sentence.

Overall GREAT word choice and it seems very straightforward! :)