I am an elastic and completely down-to-earth guy. A note to my future roommate. (250)

Virtually all of XXX's undergraduates live on campus. Write a note to your future roommate that reveals something about you or that will help your roommate -- and us -- know you better. (100 to 250 words)

Let's have fun together - letter to my eventual roomie

Dear future roommate,
I am an elastic and completely down-to-earth guy. I can adjust at any viable circumstances you wish for. If you are much of an anti-social nerd then I could study like a madman with you or I could organize a mini-hackathon inside our dormitory featuring only you and I tackling various mathematical/computing challenges-just like I used to compete with my siblings back at home. However, if you are an outgoing fellow who shares his ideas/imaginations with colleagues to venture on an ambitious academic/extracurricular pursuit, then I'm the roomie of your dreams. I love playing music-I hope you won't crush my guitar someday- and I'm looking forward to having several jam-sessions after our long hours of study/assignments for our recreational purpose. At our leisure, I could briefly introduce you to the diverse cultural fiestas of Nepal and momentarily you may also find yourself chatting with me in Nepalese since I'm a 'brilliant tutor'- as quoted by my classmates, students and teachers-, so you needn't worry a pinch even if you get flustered by a professor's lecture or a complex numerical: I'll always attempt my fullest. I'm also a sports enthusiast-be it an indoor board game or an outdoor athletic adventure, you can always count me in. I believe in working smart than working hard so I adhere to going to bed and getting up early for my academic pursuits rather than burning midnight oil. Conclusively, we both shall have a lot of fun despite XXX's rigorous curriculum.

Nanda, the letter is good enough. It covers all of the possible common interests that you might have with your roommate and even goes the extra mile to offer a helping hand whenever your roommate might need it. However, I feel that you should reach out even more to your future roommate by indicating how the two of you can become steadfast friends throughout the year. Offer a verbal assurance of friendship and not just an acquaintance who you would want to hang out with. Talk about how you know how hard it can be for two incoming freshmen to adjust to life away from home so you'll be there to support him during the transition, just as you hope that he will be there for you when you feel homesick at times. That way, the two of you will manage to enjoy a special friendship and develop a lifetime bond. Sometimes, a letter to a roommate can be seen as a supporting platform for your roommate and create a bond of interest and friendship even before you meet. Let's try to inject that sentiment into your letter if we can.

@Holt
As far as I'm concerned this essay is meant only for the Admissions Committee to review my other extra capabilities/interests rather than for matching perfect room partners at dorms. I respect your thoughts on inserting the sentimental connections that I'd develop with my future mate, but the word limit denies any changes and I'm also very satisfied with this. But, if you think I could insert your words somewhere in between my current text, then I'd be more than happy to do so. I think the statement "Conclusively, we both shall have a lot of fun despite XXX's rigorous curriculum." will do your job.

Thanks.

Nanda, I am not here to force my views upon you. If you are satisfied with this essay then this is the essay that you should use. My only role here is to review and offer advice for the further improvement of your essay. Had I known that you were already satisfied with this particular version, I would not have made any further suggestions. That was my mistake and I apologize for it. Go ahead and use this essay as you have it written. It is only your voice and your satisfaction in the presentation that is actually important in this instance. I don't need to add or revise anything because your personality should shine through, without too much editing in this particular essay. I wish you luck with your application. I know you will do well in the assessment phase.

@Holt
I'm extremely sorry if my previous response offended you by any means. I just wanted your further suggestions for editing some specific parts of my essay. That's all. You needn't apologize to me. I'm the one seeking help from you. :) How can I add some aesthetic touches to these kinda responses ?

Nanda, when you need only specific advice for your essay, please make sure to let us know beforehand in the post by making that instruction the first part of your posting. Otherwise, we will assume that the whole statement or essay needs help and will work accordingly to help you. So which specific parts of this statement do you need help with? I have some parts in mind that I think you can either cut out or further improve on. I'll post my suggestions below.

In the first sentence referring to studying like a madman, if your room-mate is anti-social, he will not want to study with you, much less speak to you. Maybe anti-social is not the term that you wanted to use here. An anti-social person is defined as a person who is not sociable; not wanting the company of others. That is why I feel that the term you are using is incorrect in that sentence.

Next, I would not assume that my roommate would be interested in Math and Math games right off the bat. Don't offer to tutor your roommate in anything either. Try to keep your invitations for fun activities focused on something both of you can enjoy. Not everyone may enjoy doing Math games and you may not get a Math enthusiast for a room mate. There are times when the admissions office like to mix up the students partnered in a room, so try to remain non-academic in reference. Sometimes, roommates just want to chill and hang out without doing any activity that even remotely seems like studying. So don't be so academic inclusive in the letter. Show the extra curricular side of your personality only if possible. Rather than offering to be a tutor, you could instead just say that you are looking forward to a cultural exchange whenever you share a meal or enjoy walking in the campus on a cool night, or something like that.

The rest of the essay is fine from that point on. I apologize in advance if this is not the advice that you wish to receive. These are the specific parts that I feel need to be improve upon or removed from the essay for highly specific reasons. Believe me, I have nothing in mind except the improvement of your essay and this is how I can see doing it. We have the same goal here, just using different voices.

BTW, Merry Christmas or Happy Holidays! I am not sure if or which you celebrate so I'll try to cover both :-) Hopefully one of the two will be right. Also, no harm done. No apologies needed. We may have misunderstandings but we will always resolve them because we are focused on one mission, to get you into a good college for a better future. We will always work together for your betterment.

Hi Nanda I love your essay. Just to add a little bit to what Holt suggested Show the extra curricular side of your personality only if possible. Rather than offering to be a tutor, you could instead just say that you are looking forward to a cultural exchange whenever you share a meal or enjoy walking in the campus on a cool night, or something like that.

Your future roommate might not be interested to engage in any academic interests so don't assume such. Don't offer to tutor him rather write how you will be there to support him and I think that will cover all the support he will need from you both academic and non-academic like you can suggest you celebrate important events together.

In as much as the essay is directed to the admissions committee but you can never tell they may also add that to your housing preferences (when you will be applying for such). As Holt noted, your essay should reflect your own voice. If you are funny be funny, if you are not don't try. Be authentic.

Nice response once more and happy holidays.

@Holt Happy Holidays!

@Holt
You are such a sweetheart. Here in Nepal we are simply offered a day's leave for Christmas. :) Merry Christmas and sound holidays to you and the family. Have a look and please complain about any dissatisfying aspects. [..]

Nanda, since we are after keeping your voice in this essay, I will not touch the information that you have presented to the admissions committee / housing committee except for one part that I feel could jeopardize your application. Please do not tell your roommate that you would be willing to play mini-hackathons in your dorm room.

The word "HACK" whether meant in jest (as a joke) or seriously, is not something that you should be presenting to the authorities of the university. The mere idea that you could possibly want to play hacking games of any sort will make them think that admitting you to their university could put their computer network at risk and result in a problem in the final consideration of your admission to the university.

My advice is this. remove that reference but keep everything else in the essay. I just want to protect your application from possible questions. I know, you may not have meant it that way in the essay but you won't be able to explain that to the reviewer so it is best not to mention that part at all.

let me contribute a few suggestions

I supposed that some inappropriate uses of hypen "challenges" "just", music I hope, etc.

@Holt
Mary, Hackathon doesn't mean something that could harm the college's network. You misinterpreted that word. Even colleges themselves organize Hackathon events periodically. It's just a computing challenge to ensure competitiveness among the students towards Science/Technology. You needn't worry about that. Anyways, thanks again.

Hi Nandasharma,

Which one is higher?

- the likelihood of an admission officer understands the word "hackathon" like you do?
or
- the likelihood of an admission officer understands the word "hackathon" like Holt does?

It is very very highly that the second one. And we know that there is no way for you to make any correction on admission officer's knowledge because you will now know who your reviewer is. It's not what you know, or what the reality is, what count is how the admission officer will interpret it.

Therefore, I agree with Holt 100%