Emerson College Supplement "Title Your Life"

Question: Much of the work that students do at Emerson College is a form of storytelling. If you were to write the story of your life until now, what would you title it and why? Please be brief (100-200 words).

My Response: If I were to write the story of my life up until this point, it would most likely be titled "Seriousness, It's Both a Blessing and a Curse." In all seriousness (pun intended) I enjoy being a serious, mature person. The best part about it is being able to easily communicate with adults, and being taken seriously by them. This is especially helpful when I am doing client work, as my client can easily tell that I know what I'm doing. The only real downfall that comes with being a serious, mature person, is when I have to be around very immature people. This was most prominent in middle school. The main problem was that I didn't share many interests with other students. For example; they may have wanted to talk about girls, while I wanted to talk about news or politics. Thankfully, as I have gotten older most of the students in my class have "grown up." I would title my book "Seriousness, It's Both a Blessing and a Curse" because it really is a blessing and a curse.

Thanks In advance for helping me out! I am mainly looking for punctuation and grammatical corrections. I would also like to know what you think about the substance in my response! Thanks, Alec

You have a very strong voice in your essay, but I suggest you write a more creative introduction instead of restating the prompt. Also, your conclusion is almost identical to your intro, so just change it up a little and you'll be good to go.

You can improve your diction, here and there. There are parts of the essay where your wording can sound more "mature" perhaps.

Nonetheless, its a good essay, but lacks color