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Emory Essay (favorite amusement park ride)

hellokillyhello 1 / -  
Jan 2, 2012   #1
Prompt: what is your favorite amusement park ride and how does it reflect your outlook on life?

Word limit is 250 - mine is 267

Any help on shortening it would be great - as well as content

My friend, Sharon, and I received VIP passes from Six Flags to skip the lines for one ride after our last one had malfunctioned. I saw Sharon glancing at The Joker, a roller coaster that rockets its passengers from 0 to 60 mph into its "spaghetti bowl" of inverted, spiraled tracks. The queue wrapped around every row and from her gaze, I could tell Sharon wanted to ride it. However, there was one problem - my fear of roller coasters. I have not been on one since the third grade, and kiddie rides have defined my amusement park experiences ever since.

But how often does someone receive a VIP pass for free? It was too good to pass up. Plus, I owed it to my friend who rode kiddie rides with me without complaint. I mustered up the courage to face my fear again.

After 2705 feet of stomach-turning descents, the ride came to a stop, leaving my head spinning. I felt a rush of excitement flow through me; I loved every second of it and wanted more.

Not only did The Joker reintroduce me to the thrill of coasters, it also taught me the value of seizing every opportunity given to me. Resisting change is common; routines are preferred because we fear the unknown. However, I believe growth comes from taking new action, not from action already taken. This attitude keeps me open to new ideas and has helped me pursue new experiences outside my comfort zone, like singing publicly for the first time at a talent show. It is a constant self-challenge that I humbly accept.
GraceTaylorWei 12 / 41  
Jan 2, 2012   #2
Wow! What a great essay that showcases your solid writing skills without using flamboyant language that turns off AOs. My only suggestion is to rephrase your concluding sentence. You can come up with something that leaves more of a lasting impression I'm sure :)

Care to take a look at my Favorite Things - U Chicago essay?
TopEffort 4 / 9  
Jan 2, 2012   #3
Dont worry, colleges won't really bite you if you go over like under 10%. Overall I thought your essay is fantastic. You definitely took a nice approach to address the topic and end it with a good lesson in life. Well done!!
inkraven 3 / 4  
Jan 5, 2012   #4
This is a good response (I like the prompt as well). I would personally include more about the outlook on life rather than the specifics about the story of the ride itself.

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