Engineering Planned course of study; UVA supplement

How do the possible career engineering relate to your planned course of study?

tell us why you have chosen this field and what experiences (work, internships, etc.) have prepared you for it.

Please correct and provide suggestions, I really appreciate it

According to an online dictionary (dictionary.com), engineering can be defined as "the art or science of making practical application of the knowledge of pure sciences." The practices have been benefitting to humankind and involve the constant interaction with the environment. It is a field that I am eager to explore and work in order to better the advancement of technology in the future. Factors such as interest, availability in the job market, and potential growth have guided my desire in a profession in this field.

It is generally said that the interest in a field or job is the prominent key of success. As a child, I have been fascinated by the way electronics work and curious on their applications in our daily lives. In 2000, I bought my first game system the PlayStation2 (PS2). It is designed as a source of entertainment with better graphical quality and its ability to play movies. I was fascinated by its ability to play games and watch movies which sets it apart from a regular DVD player. This propelled me to ask my dad about the creation and was told that engineers develop devices such as the PS2. I quickly developed interest in wanting to create similar things. I became more focused on science classes such as Mathematics and Physics as my knowledge was open for more. By the 8th grade, I was sure that my future major was electrical engineering and all I needed was to work hard on that goal.

The engineering job market is in high demand in spite of the recession. This is because there is a shortage of college graduates in engineering and a high rate of college drop out. I feel very privileged to be one of the students in a major that is always on the demand. With this in mind, I have disciplined to continue in this field. Also, to strengthen my understanding, I joined Engineering Societies such as the National Society of Black Engineers (NSBE) and Institute of Electrical and Electronics Engineering (IEEE) respectively. These institutes help to build successful engineers. I also joined with the purpose of using the knowledge gained from these institutes to better prepare me as I go along my major and increase my chances of getting a job.

With the growth of technology, there is potential growth for engineers. As a result of this, engineers would likely have increase in salary growth.
With the assurance of all these factors, I have no doubt in my mind that I have chosen the right field to explore and I hope to develop devices that will be benefitting to everyone as a whole.

As a child, I have been fascinated by the way electronics work and curious onI am curious about how it is used in our daily lives. In 2000, I bought my first game console the PS 2. Its purpose was is to entertain people by its ability to play games and watch movies. I asked my dad about who created it and was told that engineers develop things like the ps2. I began to become interested in wantingaspire to create things such as the ps2. I was more focused on science classes such as mathematics and physics as my knowledge was open for more. By the 8th grade, I was sure that my future major was electrical engineering and all I needed was to work hard on that goal.

The engineering job market is in high demand in spite of the recession. This is because there is a shortage of college grads in engineering.(U realy think this is the reason?) I feel very special to be one of the students in a major that is always on the demand. With this in mind, I am able to continue on with in this field and have joined engineering societies such as the National Society of Black Engineers (NSBE) and institute of electrical and electronics engineering (IEEE) respectively. They help to build successful engineers. I also joined with the purpose of using the theory and practices of these engineering organizations to better prepare me as I go along my major and increase my chances of getting a job.

With the growth of technology, there is potential growth for engineers. Because of this, engineers have received salary growth of up to 3 percent. This has attracted me to the field. With the assurance of all these factors I have no doubt in my mind that I have chosen the right field to explore and hope to develop products that will be benefitting to everyone as a whole.

I think your motivation is insufficient. First, the EE field is not only to entertain people but to facilitate people's life. Second, I think good salary is just one minor factor in choosing this major. Please reorganize this essay.

Thank you sir, I will reorganize the essay but I would want to ask you how I should do that.

1. Phrase why u interested in EE. Use the points like the salary and PS2 together and try to delve deeper into it. These reasons are kind of superficial, u know?

2. State what u've done in these specialized organizations and try to illustrate details and use some specialized vocabulary.
3. Restate why u wanna enroll into this major and why choose this uni.

Btw, I'm applying for UvA. too. Maybe we can meet in NL, huh^^.

Sir I have modified the essay. Please give your corrections and suggestions. If you feel there is still work to do on the essay please include as I really want to attend UVA.

Overall, I feel you have a very strong essay. No complaints here! Good job

This whole first paragraph is all too obvious! Do not give the dictionary.com definition of engineering. That is a very simplistic approach. Instead, disclose your slightly sideways philosophy of life, your need to create and innovate.

This is obvious, too:
It is a field that I am eager to explore and use to reinforce and develop technology in the future.----> this does not say anything except that you want to enter the field, because of course you will develop technology. Instead of saying the obvious things, tell them about your real thoughts, your personal thoughts, your worries, your weaknesses, and most importantly tell them about your specific plan that you are determined to carry out.

You express that plan very well here:


But you are still being very obvious here:


It is better to assume that the reader knows engineers are involved with technology and speak to the reader about the unique "personality" of your process, your role as an engineer. You have done that quite well with some parts of this, so it is those parts that should be emphasized. The fact that you cite a 3% increase in salary, and joined NSBE... these are very good. Fill the essay with substantial reflection and reasoning, and do not state the obvious or speak in generalities.

:-)

Thanks Kevin...So I need to take out the first paragraph and develop the other paragraphs?

Anyone please review my essay thanks??