enjoy most - music, performing for children

Outside of academics, what do you enjoy most or find most challenging?
*how do i make this longer and better?

I was surrounded. I raised my arms; I was ready. With an energetic chord, I swept into the gypsy melodies of Czardas. The children, patients of the hospitals, sat around me, laughing and swaying to the music as I clumsily tried to play the violin and dance at the same time. It's embarrassing since I can't dance, but if it made them laugh, I was happy to continue my clumsy antics.

Every so often, I play a recital for the patients of a hospital. I am more than happy to play my violin for them because not only is it a good solo practice for me but I feel happiest performing in front of children. Children are wonderful audiences; they are easily excited and swayed, and their innocence allows to easily express their happiness with their bodies and faces. As a performer, I am attuned to my audience, and seeing them smile and dance to my rhythms makes me a happy performer. Their boisterous energy is contagious. Being around them, I often get as excited as them and my music, responding to my feelings, becomes more lively and free. This quality, this expression, in my music is not easily attained but when it is, I feel like music takes me away, sweeping me along its rhythmic embraces.

Hi!

Ok, depending on how much longer you need to make this essay, I would first continue with the anecdote and the beginning, finish off that specific experience in the hospital. Or you could go into more detail about it in the beginning, emphasizing the clumsiness but your continued efforts despite perhaps? You could elaborate on that and then go into a theme about offering what you have to those you can, or perhaps about doing what you love for those who need it? If you think of a larger theme you can sort of go for that and it might help you elongate the essay and it would make what you said more meaningful, seem like you gained more insight from the experience and what not.

Hope this helps!

Here is an idea for this excellent last sentence. This quality, this expression in my music, is not easily attained -- bu t when it is, I feel like music takes me away, sweeping me along its rhythmic embraces.

I think you have done a great job with this so far. Now you need to lengthen it? Add another dimension. Make an argument about this being more challenging than other things... or... scrutinize your own ideas about this subject... or speculate about what might ocur in the future regarding your music.

Take the essay in a new direction, and you can write more material. Fill the essay with meaning. What is the moral of the story?