I need to enjoy my time being alone won't help. I changed my old view about the people.

Hi there

please give me your comments
topic; Describe a setting in which you have collaborated or interacted with people whose experiences and/or beliefs differ from yours. Address your initial feelings, and how those feelings were or were not changed by this experience.

Mixing and interacting with other people weren't my favorite interest, I was usually staying alone in my room with my computer or books and couldn't appreciate the importance of it. However, my family forced me to participate on a summer program in King Fahad University of Petroleum and Materials (KFUPM) and I have to live in its dorms for about four weeks. It was like a nightmare for me, even before I went there, I felt that it is not appropriate for me. I didn't know that will be the most beautiful time in my life.

In my first day, I saw the students coming from many countries and cities, but inside me, I was waiting the opportunity to withdraw. The managers putted every three student in one room, I was with a new people who I had never seen them before, and I wasn't comfortable, living with new people with different culture and habits was very hard to me. My first days weren't very good, the program was about engineering and group working skills, so I had to communicate with my colleagues to do my tasks, and I also made limited relations with my roommates, but that's all changed after I met him.

His name is Ryan, he was one of the students who enjoy their time, and has a lot of friends. I hated him in the beginning, I don't like these kinds of people, but he was different. Everything changed as he transferred to my room, he tried kindly to make me his friend, and always invited me to his group to work together, but I just ignored him and prefer to stay alone, but he came and told me that I should enjoying my time, staying alone like this won't help. These simple words affect me more than anyone could expect, I believed that I was walking in the wrong path, and now it is the time to correct it.

I started by changing my old view about the people, I was seeing them as obstacles prevented me from reaching my goal, but now I see him as supporter I can't achieve anything without them. I also completed the rest of the program without any problems. That experience has ended a long time ago, but its effects shaped who I am now, thanks to Ryan, because without him, my feelings toward others would stay the same.

Fwaz, the response that you developed for the prompt did not exactly respond to it. While you were placed in a setting that was different from what you were used to and you initially did not like the situation, there was no real obstacle to your mindset nor challenge to your belief or ideas that existed there. Instead, you made a friend who helped you better adjust to the situation. This made the essay sound more inspirational rather than challenging.

The essay needs to address a moment in time when you found yourself being forced to adapt to a situation because the people you were with had beliefs or attitudes that ran differently or counter to yours. For example, were you ever faced with bigotry, religious judgement, or simply, a situation or person that said "You are wrong and I am right"? If you have, then you have the experience with which to properly respond to the essay. You will have the experience wherein your mindset was being forcibly altered by those around you.

Such is the challenge that would have you asking yourself "How can I deal with this?". At that point, only one of two things can happen, either you changed your belief system and worked with the group, or your cooperated with the group for the sake of the project or situation, but still kept your personal beliefs intact. There was no reflection of such an event happening in the situation you related.

You said that you view your schoolmates as people who prevented you from reaching your goal. That goal was not clearly identified in the essay. In order to make this essay work, you need to align that setting for the background from the very start. Make it clear to the reader that you faced a real obstacle rather than just you having to overcome your mindset of being a loner.

Mixing and interacting with other people weren't ARE my LEAST favorite interest, (STOP HERE) I was usually WOULD PREFER staying alone in my room with my A computer or books and couldn't ( I am not sure whether this contracted form can be used here. It is always good to play safe :D) appreciate the importance of it ( I think that you need to clarify what is the refence of "it" . However, my family forced me to participate on a summer program in King Fahad University of Petroleum and Materials (KFUPM) (STOP HERE) and I have to live in its dorms UNIVERSITY DORMITORY for about four weeks. It was like STAYING THERE BROUGHT ME SUCH a nightmare for me , even before I went there, I felt that it is not THE PLACE THAT I WANTED appropriate for me . BUT IN THE END, I didn't DID NOT know that will be the most beautiful time in my life.

Fwaz, I believe your essay is quiet weak and does not really correspond to the prompt, what you did is actually do the opposite way.

I was thinking that the introduction of your essay is just how you want to present your idea but you went on and talk about the same topic,

dedicating what you wrote in your introduction should be enough and should not continue to the second paragraph.

Your 2nd paragraph should focus on the purpose of the essay and answer what the prompt is asking for, you should also make sure that your ideas

is focused on what the purpose of your essay is.

You have to prove that the experience you had, changed and how it affected or added spice to your life.
It should showcase a transformation of you from the lessons you learned from your experience.
I believe the essay can be stronger.

I hope this insight helped.