Hello everyone. This is my essay for admission into the school of communication for a journalism degree as a transfer student. This is my first draft, so don't hesitate to point out anything and everything that raises a flag. I appreciate the feedback.
Entertainment has always been my passion. Movies can cheer you up when you're down. Music can provide release when you're stressed, and a good book is not only a great way to expand your mind, but a great way to spend a lazy afternoon. When you want to find entertainment, the first thing you do is look for it on either an entertainment website or in the newspaper. These are essentially the gatekeepers between the artists and the audience. Being an amateur musician and writer, entertainment has always been more of a hobby - I had never put much thought into making it a career. But over the past ten years, through my travels and experiences, I have discovered that I am capable of doing so, and I have made becoming the managing editor of an international entertainment publication my ultimate goal.
In 2009, I took a vacation to Japan. I had always had an interest in visiting other countries and experiencing other cultures, and Japan had always been at the forefront. As soon as I stepped off the plane, I was elated. There was a bit of culture shock at first, but once I accepted it, I felt just how much I loved being in a foreign place so full of mystery and excitement. I traveled all across the island, taking in shows, performances, movies and theater. While I was there, I kept a journal of all my excursions. As I kept traveling, I found that as soon as I mentioned to the locals that I had been keeping it, they became very interested in seeing it. I shared my experiences as an outsider, about what I thought of their culture and customs, and they got a real kick out of it. That kind of experience really helped me see that I could be an influence to people. The amount of knowledge of foreign culture I gained while there was priceless. But I knew when I got back home, I would have to return to a career I am not passionate about.
I've known for a long time now that I'm not satisfied with my current career. After dropping out of college the first time around, I joined the workforce and almost never looked back. I was happy leaving the college life behind and making money. But as time wore on, I realized I hadn't chosen a career, I had chosen a job that I didn't even like doing that turned into a living. I had to ask myself, if I were to quit my job right now, what would I be qualified to do instead? The depressing answer, unfortunately, was "nothing."
When I attended college the first time around, I had no focus and no ambition. I was only going through the motions because it was what was expected of me. I let my grades slip, I didn't bother dropping classes I had no intention of attending, and my transcript was permanently marred. At that point, I just wanted to get out of school and start making a living. Ten years later, I can honestly say I wish I had chosen a different path. After seeing many of my friends pass me by, by hitting the salary wall, and by being generally unhappy with my career, I realized how important an education is. My main goal is to earn my journalism degree so I can hone my skills as a writer and editor, and to hopefully contribute to cultural bonds between Americans and the rest of the world.
There are many programs that send Americans to foreign countries to help children learn English. What a great way to influence young people in a positive way about the American culture and learn a great deal about foreign culture for a few short years. Not only will completing my formal education enable me to take part in these ventures, but it will help me to continue my pursuits when I get back to the States as well, and hopefully share my experiences with a wide audience.
I started going back to school in the Spring of 2009, and since I realized that I can apply myself and make a serious effort, my grades have improved tremendously. I think having experience in the job world has taught me many things about hard work and dedication that I can apply to school. I believe I am ready to make a real push to succeed in school so I can succeed out in the world as well, and finally accomplish something about which I am passionate.
Great intro, it personal and engaging.
I traveled all across the island, taking in shows, performances, movies and theater.
What is the difference between all of these?
But as time wore on, I realized I hadn't chosen a career, I had chosen a job that I didn't even like doing that turned into a living.
This sentence feels too long and awkward, maybe try to break it into two.
But as time wore on, I realized I hadn't chosen a career, I had chosen a job. An unsatisfying job that turned into a living.I had to ask myself, if I were to quit my job right now, what would I be qualified to do instead? The depressing answer, unfortunately, was "nothing."
This is a really strong statement, it adds a lot of personal meaning to your essay. Instead of saying "if I were to quit my job" say "if I were to get fired from my job", you don't want the reviewer to think about your quitting.
I like your final paragraph, however, you may want to expand upon it. Maybe give brief examples about how work has helped you improve and why you think this trend will continue.
This is a solid effort Ethan, great job!
