Considering both the specific undergraduate school or program to which you are applying and the broader University of Pennsylvania community, what academic, research, and/or extracurricular paths do you see yourself exploring at Penn?
Upenn and Me
Penn has one of the broadest ranges of activities among all the universities in the United States; from sports and student body organizations to environmental groups and media. I actively take part in different extra-curricular activities in my high school and I am looking forward to doing so at Upenn. In my opinion, a well-rounded student not only has to be well-educated, but also be able to give back to the community.
I am applying to Upenn School of Arts and Sciences and I am planning to major in criminology. Upenn is the only Ivy League institution that offers a specific degree in criminology and it is also the only university that offers a double degree in criminology and law.
Penn has a very diverse community. There are a lot of people from many different parts of the world. I live in Jakarta and I socialize with people from different backgrounds. I've got friends who are Chinese, Indonesians, and Indians among other people. Having been brought up in a diverse community, I developed interest in learning about people from different cultures. Upenn has a diverse community and I am looking forward to socializing with them.
I have been part of my high school's student body organization for past three years. It has taught me responsibility, co-operation and creativity. I want to join student body organizations in Upenn and try and give back something to the Upenn community. I am looking forward to taking part in activities in Upenn about helping the environment. I am quite passionate about helping the environment. Although I admit that I don't do much, I always do the little things that people neglect, like turning off the tap while brushing, refuse to use plastic bags in supermarket when I only buy in little amount, etc. I am looking forward to be a part of Upenn eco-friendly activities. I also am looking forward to taking part in University traditions like Spring Fling, etc.
I am a sports enthusiast. I play various sports like tennis, basketball and soccer, but my main strength is playing badminton. If I am enrolled at Upenn, I am definitely joining the badminton club. It will give me a chance to play with other people who share similar interests as I do and make myself better. Plus it is a chance for me to meet new people, burn a few calories and keep myself fit.
All in all, I believe that I would be a great addition to Upenn. I am an enthusiastic person and I am interested in more than one activity. I am enthusiastic about helping the environment, sports, education and socializing. I am a unique person and I am ready to develop myself more and more at Upenn.
I think a dash is better than a colon here:
Penn has one of the broadest ranges of activities among all the universities in the United States -- from sports and student body organizations to environmental groups and media.
I actively take part in different various extra-curricular activities in my high school, and I am looking forward to doing so at Upenn.
In my opinion, a well-rounded student not only has to be well-educated, but also be able to give back to the community.---This is a little too obvious and simplistic to be the thesis statement of the essay. Can you change it to make it a little more unique? Now that the essay is completed, maybe you can add a new idea to the thesis statement.
I am looking forward to taking part in activities in Upenn about helping the environment. I am quite passionate about helping the environment. ( Instead of repeating that you are concerned about the environment, you should say something more specific in this sentence.
...things that people neglect, like turning off the tap while brushing, refuse refusing to use plastic bags in supermarket when I only buy in little amount, etc.
Can you express a memorable THEME in the first paragraph and in the last paragraph? Give the reader one main idea that she will associate with you in her mind. It will make the essay more cohesive and memorable.
:-)
