'Environmental Association' - Common App Extracurricular Essay

In the space provided below, please elaborate on one of your activities (extracurricular, personal activities, or work experience)(150 words or fewer).

My Good Friends in KARA
Twenty cats meowed and approached me as I entered the cat shelter of KARA (Korea Animal Rescue Association). I froze as the cats rubbed gently against my legs. After volunteering for KARA, I could no longer think of animals as creatures with no feelings. Most of the animals in the shelter were abandoned and craved affection. I bathed the dogs, cleaned their cages, and walked them to a nearby mountain. The animals looked sad as I was leaving, so I would stay another hour playing with them.

Working at KARA did not earn me any honor, but I enjoyed the volunteer work. KARA in Irish means 'a good friend.' I learned at KARA that my good friends need not only be humans. My animal friends taught me that communication is not limited to language. Whether we are friends with animals depends as much on our attitude as it does on their behavior. I was not paid any money, but I received something better than pecuniary gain- the love from living beings who needed my help.

So this is my common application extracurricular essay. (I know that it doesn't look soo great...)
I am going to major in Environmental Science.
Also, I am an international student and I really need some help!

I will be very thankful if you can help me fix my essay!:)

Twenty cats meowed and approached me as I entered the cat shelter of KARA (Korea Animal Rescue Association).

-- I think you could take out "me" in this sentence. A little redundant considering you state "I" shortly after.

I froze as the cats rubbed gently against my legs.

After volunteering for KARA, I could no longer think of animals as creatures with no feelings. Most of the animals in the shelter were abandoned and craved affection. I bathed the dogs, cleaned their cages, and walked them to a nearby mountain. The animals looked sad as I was leaving, so I would stay another hour playing with them.

Working at KARA did not earn me any honor, but I enjoyed the volunteer work.

-- I don't think you should explicitly state the first part of last sentence, but maybe do a better job of relaying that message throughout the essay?

KARA in Irish means 'a good friend.' I learned at KARA that my good friends need not only be humans. My animal friends taught me that communication is not limited to language. Whether we are friends with animals depends as much on our attitude as it does on their behavior. I was not paid any money, but I received something better than pecuniary gain- the love from living beings who needed my help.

-- Overall, good, solid essay.