Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences. (150 word limit)
I am engaged in an environmental organization, Center for Climate Change Research Center Nepal, as a Junior Program Coordinator. At first, I was just a volunteer, but as the organization itself and its member students increased rapidly I got elected to Junior Program Coordinator. We started our work in local community of Sitapaila. First we started visiting local schools and organized quizzes, dramas and poetry competitions with environmental themes. We planted 100 trees each months and assign a particular tree to a school student to take care of it. It was a success and next we started '3R-Reduce, Reuse, Recycle' project along with 'No Plastics'. It also had a big impact. Now at least 7 schools in Sitapaila are plastics free and follow green principle. Though skeptic at first, people of Sitapaila now believe that we are doing something with a value for present and for future.
Suman, this is an interesting work and extra curricular experience. It is unique in the way that it combines both the work and extra curricular choices, which allowed you to better elaborate on the experience. While admire the activities that you did within the organization and your ascension to a high position of authority as a volunteer, you spoke so much about your activities that you have forgotten to explain how the organization and its movements have helped you grow as a person or increase your awareness of the world around you. That is an important aspect of these types of essays which you need to highlight. You should just limit the activities you are discussing the ones that you participated in directly, telling us your role in it and how it affected your point of view on the particular issue the activity was concerned with. Don't worry about going over the word count, we can help you bring it down to 150 words after you have fully discussed the topic :-) Try to revise the essay to be more about your participation in the activity than telling us about what the activities were about. That will make the essay more effective and in line with the prompt :-)
I am engaged in an environmental organization, Center for Climate Change Research Center Nepal, as a Junior Program Coordinator. At first, I was just a volunteer, but as the organization itself and its member students increased rapidly I got elected to Junior Program Coordinator. We started work in community schools like organizing quizzes, dramas and poetry competitions with environmental themes, planting trees and more importantly we started campaigns '3R-Reduce, Reuse, Recycle' project along with 'No Plastics'. It had a big impact. Now at least 7 schools in Sitapaila are plastics free and follow green principle. From these activities, the organization and I mutually have helped each other to grow socially and developed ourselves from insignificant to influential. Now I keep myself occupied in variety of ideas and outlooks so as to broaden my thoughts and that of my organization to wider range. Though skeptic at beginning, we have caught the wind to reach the horizon.
Thanks for feedback. Here is what I came up with. I don't know but I think I am on the way you show me.
Suman, you are almost there :-) What I need you to do now is to discuss each activity that you presented in terms of what you learned from the activity. Take for example the 3R project. Why did you feel this project was very important to you? How was it implemented? After the successful completion of the project, what was your opinion of the way the 3R project affected your immediate environment and yourself? I would like you to discuss each activity along those lines and then close the essay with your statement about how the projects, the organization,and yourself ended up in a truly learning experience. We are directing the paper more towards what we need to present at this point :-)
