To envision a great space and create an atmosphere to better the overall health and the safety

Hey all,
I am in the process of my application to FIT for Interior design and would like some feedback on my admission essay please ad thank you!

Essay: Start writing you essay. Your essay should answer the following questions.

- What makes you a perfect candidate for FIT?
- Why are you interested in the major you are applying to?

As I was standing behind my chair doing models hair for hours at a photo-shoot for an upcoming fashion designer, I thought to myself, " is this what I really want to do for the rest of my life? ". Was I really happy or was I doing it because I felt obligated to since it was my dream since I was a young girl and I went to school for it got my license and done it for so long? The world of beauty and cosmetology was my life long dream, but that night I went home after a 12 hour shoot, poured my self some coffee sat down and started to review my life and my choices.

The career I dreamt of, making women feel beautiful was finally mine but I was not happy. I felt so desperate that I Googled, "what to do when your career isn't what you want anymore". To my surprise, I came across one website that had a questionnaire to help you choose what your good at and vice versa. I grabbed a pen and paper and started jotting down my answers to these questions. One particular question asked to really think about the things one enjoys doing then eliminate the ones that you don't see yourself making a career out of. Shoes, cleaning, shopping, traveling, reading, I wrote. One by one I started to eliminate, and ended eliminating all. As I sat down in my living room feeling disappointed because I couldn't come up with one thing I enjoy doing that can be my career, I looked around and realized how there is one thing I unconsciously do every season, every holiday to feel the nice aura and to give personality to my house, interior decorating.

Ever since I could remember, my mother used to decorate every season every holiday, putting every room beautiful creating a lovely place for us to be in, and I was always her helper. I've been doing what I love all my life since my childhood and never realized it. Colors, textures, interiors, furniture, lighting; these have always been keen to my eye. When I go to nail salons, hospitals, movie theaters, restaurants, I always think of how to rearrange the place or change the paint, the lighting, etc. I remember being in middle school and drawing out a design for a salon spa inside and out that I dreamt of opening one day.

Now that I know what I truly enjoy doing, I want to do more than decorate a space I want to design the interior of any place. I then started to look into how to become a professional interior designer. Within my search I learned that I had to go to a certified school, study all aspects of interior design and later get my license to be a certified interior designer. Therefore, I searched for the schools in New York City that offered interior design and FIT was number one with the best interior design program in the city. I know FIT would be the right fit for me because I will learn to better emphasize my creative and practical skills needed to better myself and get to where I need to get to be a successful interior designer, nonetheless the reputation of this school is impeccable and I would be honored to represent and contribute to FIT. On the other hand, I am a great candidate for FIT because I want to make a difference in the world by using the skills that I have and that will be taught to me to help people understand the importance of how the space they are in on the daily affects their mood, it being at work, home, train station. The space you are in changes your aura, and I want to be the person that makes that possible. I want that nail salon your sitting in feel out of this world like the service you are about to get done.

I love that I can envision a great space and create an atmosphere to better the overall health and the safety of the users. This major will be more than a learning experience and opening for future job opportunities, it will be my way of helping others with my creativity and expressions so others feel the way I feel when I walk into my space. My motivation is the overwhelming feeling I get knowing that I finally discovered what it is I really enjoy doing and that I can show people the importance that combinations of colors and textiles can have on them. The interior design industry is not all about ones creative and design skills but about hard work and a lot of dedication and getting to work with different people and this is something I am more than ready to embark on.

Car, the first thing you have to address with your essay is the excessive length. An essay like this for FIT is normally just anywhere from 250-500 words. You have 811 words. The rule of thumb for these types of essays is, keep it short, but informative. You went a little overboard at the start of your essay which is why you ended up with an essay that seemed to just go on and on without actually getting to the point until much, much later. This is not the kind of essay that can hold the interest of the reviewer. So how can you edit the essay to make it shorter but informative?

You can start by fixing your response to the question " Why are you interested in the major you are applying to?" My suggestion is that you keep the part about finding yourself bored with what you thought was your dream job. However, cut out the part relating to how you took that online test, etc. It just feels like word filler at this point. Not really helping you to get to the point. Jump directly to the part where you are having coffee and then cut to some childhood memories of helping your mother decorate the room. Then, you realized you were in the wrong career all along. Tell that story from that point on. It gets to to the point of your interest in your major sooner, rather than later.

With regards to how are a perfect candidate for FIT, delete the following portion:

I then started to look into how to become a professional interior designer. Within my search I learned that I had to go to a certified school, study all aspects of interior design and later get my license to be a certified interior designer. Therefore, I searched for the schools in New York City that offered interior design and FIT was number one with the best interior design program in the city

Don't feed the reviewer any information that he already knows, such as the requirements to become an interior designer. He already knows that. He also already knows that their university is the number 1 in its field. Instead, you should be working on promoting yourself as an epitome of a FIT student. Emphasize the learning opportunities and internships that the school offers which you plan to take advantage of. Show a direct relationship between your ambitions and how FIT can help you do that.

By keeping to the point of the prompts and offering direct responses to them, you will be able to create a shorter and more informative personal statement to the reviewer. I believe that your story about job burnout will resonate well with the reviewer and along with that will come an appreciation for your desire to change careers.

I hope that I can have the opportunity to read your revised statement. I am eager to assist you with improving it :-)

Hey, Thank You so much for your feedback The max is 750 words . So ive been working on my essay and changed some and put some on there. please read the new one and let me know what you think and any new tips, Thanks again!

Hi @carol, I'd like to extend some help with your essay.

- Ever since I couldAs long as I can remember,
- apartment every and season every holiday,
- putting every room beautiful, creating...
- ...in, and I was always her helper.
- ...drawing out a design, both inside and outside for a salon spa
- I dreamt of opening one day, inside and out .
- I want to design the interiors of places.

-...to make a space as striking and pleasurable
- to the person in request( you want to address .
- my creativecreativity and practical skills
- I need to get to be and be a successful interior designer,

- ...importance thatof combinations of colors
- ...people and, this is somethingmy passion and I am more..

There you have it, I made sure that the remarks are straight forward and you will be able to see the grammar changes that enhanced the sentences and the essay as a whole.

I tweeked and re-wrote some things, let me know what you think thanks!

"Is this really what I want to do for the rest of my life?" I thought to myself as I did models hair for hours at a photo-shoot for an up and coming fashion designer. "Am I really happy or am I doing this because I feel obligated to?" It was a dream of mine since I was a young girl and I went to school for it, got my license and practiced it for all these years. The world of beauty and cosmetology was my lifelong dream; making both men and women feel beautiful and empowered inspired me. But that night I went home after a 12 hour shoot, poured myself some coffee, sat down and started to review my life and my choices. I was finally the person I aspired to be, and the dream was mine but I was not satisfied. I sat down in my living room feeling disappointed because I couldn't come up with a single thing I enjoyed doing that could potentially be my new career. I looked around and realized there was one thing that became habitual to me, something that I did every season and holiday; interior decorating.

Ever since I could remember, my mother used to decorate our apartment every season, making every room a beautiful and welcoming environment and I was always her helper. There was one summer where she decorated the entire house with beautiful bright colors and flowers; one winter she did warmer tones, a wreath with Christmas décor and she even bought an electric chimney. My mother was, and is, an amazing decorator and has been the main influence behind the decorator inside of me. I've been doing what I love all my life, since my childhood, and never realized it. Colors, textures, interiors, furniture, lighting; these have always been keen to my eye. When I go to nail salons, hospitals, houses, restaurants, I always think of how to rearrange the place or change the paint, the lighting, etc. I remember being in middle school and drawing out a design both inside and out for a salon spa I dreamt of opening one day. Now that I know what I truly enjoy doing, I want to do more than decorate a space, I want to design the interiors of places.

I am interested in being an interior design major because I want to develop my knowledge of interior designing and learn how texture, color, lighting and other factors are combined and presented to make a space striking and pleasurable. I know FIT would be the right fit for me because it will emphasize my creative and practical skills to better myself to be a successful interior designer. If I get admitted to FIT I intend to join The Interior Designer Club and possibly intern at Gensler. I am prepared to face the challenges ahead and with great challenges comes great opportunity and there is I would like more.

To me, interior design is a characteristic of our lives and our values, the way your space is represents you and I want to be the person that makes that possible for every place. Furthermore, my hard work and dedication, perseverance, love for organization, good eye for color, natural talent for scale, proportion, and balance, and being able to bring my visualizations to life are the traits that make me a perfect candidate to be the perfect interior design student to represent FIT.

Through my work I want to teach people how the beauty in merely things and places surrounding us can change our life. My motivation is the overwhelming feeling I get for knowing that I finally discovered what I really enjoy doing and that I can show people the importance that combinations of colors and textiles can have on their mood and the way they function. The interior design industry is not entirely about ones creative and design skills but about hard work and dedication and getting to work with people. I want to This is something I am more than ready to embark on at The Fashion Institute of Technology.

Further remarks;

4th paragraph

- ToFor me,
-...that possible forin every place.

5th paragraph

- people how the beauty inis merely in all things
- I want to( I believe this is typo error but be careful as it hurts the sentence very hard and will affect your essay big time ) This is something..

There you have it, my final remarks for your essay, I still stand that you use the phrase, " As long as I can remember", instead of "Ever since I could remember", I believe it's structurally sound and more suitable for the sentence. Anyhow, you decide and it's you final piece that matters.

Thanks for your help, so with the corrections you suggested, do you think everything else is good? would it be ready to send to admissions?

@carol, with the collaboration of EF contributors and your initial article, I believe you should be able to submit your application to the admissions officer and, hopefully, you should get a good feedback.

Your application has been straightforward and it elaborated your genuine interest to the desired course. The information you have given, although some of them has been deliberately added to show your passion to the craft, most of the information leads to your competency in achieving such course.

It's going to be a big step to be able to send it to the admissions staff, but you have to do it in order to know what comes out of your effort and your eagerness towards learning further exposure to the field.

I wish you the best of luck and do let us know what comes out of your adventure.