"I am an equestrian." - Common App Activity Essay

I have to submit this tonight and I need editing help/any other suggestions.
Thank you!

I spend 4 days a week, 3 hours a visit, working and bonding with a hairy, 1.5 ton mass of pure muscle. I am an equestrian.
The moment my Aunt Judy hoisted me onto her grey mare's broad back ten years ago, I knew that, whatever it took, I had to make horse back riding a part of my life. And that is just what I did. Progressing from weekly riding lessons to finally owning a horse of my very own, I worked endlessly to pursue my passion. Mucking stalls. Auditing lessons. Riding inexperienced horses. I did, and still do, whatever it takes to become a better athlete. However, dedication means sacrifice and persistence: skipping a school dance to travel to a horse show and never quitting trying to communicate with a headstrong animal that speaks a language worlds away from English.

I really like this short answer response.
the only thing...I tend to use fragments too because I think it can have a nice effect, but in college essays I've been warned numerous times against it.

So just the part where you say:

"...I worked endlessly to pursue my passion. Mucking stalls. Auditing lessons. Riding inexperienced horses..."

I would suggest changing it to "to pursue my passion through numerous means including mucking stalls, auditing lessons, and riding inexperienced horses."

I don't know, perhaps that might work better. Hope you like it!

Thank you all so much, you have no idea how much this helped. This is my revised draft after taking all of your comments into consideration.

I spend 4 days a week, 3 hours per visit, working and bonding with a hairy, 1.5-ton mass of mighty muscle.

[...] a headstrong animal that speaks a language worlds apart from English. While it may not always be easy, the little victories, such as a perfect jump or simply a neigh "hello" when my horse recognizes me, assure me that all of my hard work is worthwhile.