This essay is for the common app transfer essay "what are your reasons for transferring and what objectives do you hope to achieve"
My essay is pretty straightforward, I wanted to be real with the add comm of the schools in why I am currently in this position.
I would like to know what I need to elaborate on before i submit it. Also, critique as well!
Here's the essay:
My grades were not good enough to land me into a respectable school so I only applied to one local college based on the affordability and I was rejected. In all honesty, it was not a surprise. I wasted away four years of school with my lack of effort and the inability to recognize my potential. I realized that community college was the only option.
I enrolled into Erie Community College majoring in criminal justice. I had very little idea of what I wanted to do with criminal justice; it was an interest at the time. Throughout that semester, I realized I had undoubtedly picked the wrong major. The following semester, I switched my major to communications. I had always wondered what it would be like to operate a camera for a movie or be the lead sports anchor for a news station. A past article that I had once read also greatly influenced my decision to enroll into communications. The article was on how the field of communications is becoming so dynamic and is constantly evolving due to normal past jobs becoming more non-existent. Eventually, to have an advantage over the next person, one would have to be multi-talented in skills of photography, videography etc.
The community college I attend prepared me with the knowledge to fully utilize and obtain a four year degree from a much prestigious institute. I have engaged in quality classes with helpful and respectable professors that have helped further enrich my interest and passion for communications and rhetoric. The opportunity to continue my learning at a reputable and rapidly emerging school allures me at the very thought of it. I want to be part of this school because it takes pride in offering its students a broader and richer experience educationally. I want to learn and be challenged from professors who strive to help their students reach their potential and succeed. I attend a rather small community college, so there were only two or three student organizations to participate in. I always wanted to be part of a group of students who shared the same interest for something I feel passionate about. I am looking to take advantage of the various student organizations offered here to help me meet new people to ease my transferring transition. I am also from a city that is very stagnant and is not diverse. The opportunity to go to school in a larger and more cultured area would be exciting and an achievement. I want an education of higher learning and desire real world work experience incorporated into my learning as well. I am very positive that I can be provided a great education and achieve all of my desires here; at this school.
I have developed a better understanding of my role as a student and most importantly, a prominent role model to my peers. I am striving to set the best examples for my younger cousins by helping to prevent them from making the same academic mistakes I made back in high school. I do not want to see them struggle in school the way I used to so I do things such as help them revise their school work. I try to encourage them to do things they normally would not. It feels good to know they can ask me for advice about their school work. It helps me to know that I am making a difference in their lives. I do solely acknowledge my past academic issues and take sole responsibility for my mishaps. My academic mistakes were from the fact that I did not handle being an employee and a student maturely enough. Now, I am older and much more mature and have learned how to adjust to a steady workload as an employee but more importantly, as a student. I have made these mistakes and have worked strenuously to correct them by re-taking classes that I have received unacceptable grades in. I want to continue to channel my work ethic into my academics at this school.
My essay is pretty straightforward, I wanted to be real with the add comm of the schools in why I am currently in this position.
I would like to know what I need to elaborate on before i submit it. Also, critique as well!
Here's the essay:
My grades were not good enough to land me into a respectable school so I only applied to one local college based on the affordability and I was rejected. In all honesty, it was not a surprise. I wasted away four years of school with my lack of effort and the inability to recognize my potential. I realized that community college was the only option.
I enrolled into Erie Community College majoring in criminal justice. I had very little idea of what I wanted to do with criminal justice; it was an interest at the time. Throughout that semester, I realized I had undoubtedly picked the wrong major. The following semester, I switched my major to communications. I had always wondered what it would be like to operate a camera for a movie or be the lead sports anchor for a news station. A past article that I had once read also greatly influenced my decision to enroll into communications. The article was on how the field of communications is becoming so dynamic and is constantly evolving due to normal past jobs becoming more non-existent. Eventually, to have an advantage over the next person, one would have to be multi-talented in skills of photography, videography etc.
The community college I attend prepared me with the knowledge to fully utilize and obtain a four year degree from a much prestigious institute. I have engaged in quality classes with helpful and respectable professors that have helped further enrich my interest and passion for communications and rhetoric. The opportunity to continue my learning at a reputable and rapidly emerging school allures me at the very thought of it. I want to be part of this school because it takes pride in offering its students a broader and richer experience educationally. I want to learn and be challenged from professors who strive to help their students reach their potential and succeed. I attend a rather small community college, so there were only two or three student organizations to participate in. I always wanted to be part of a group of students who shared the same interest for something I feel passionate about. I am looking to take advantage of the various student organizations offered here to help me meet new people to ease my transferring transition. I am also from a city that is very stagnant and is not diverse. The opportunity to go to school in a larger and more cultured area would be exciting and an achievement. I want an education of higher learning and desire real world work experience incorporated into my learning as well. I am very positive that I can be provided a great education and achieve all of my desires here; at this school.
I have developed a better understanding of my role as a student and most importantly, a prominent role model to my peers. I am striving to set the best examples for my younger cousins by helping to prevent them from making the same academic mistakes I made back in high school. I do not want to see them struggle in school the way I used to so I do things such as help them revise their school work. I try to encourage them to do things they normally would not. It feels good to know they can ask me for advice about their school work. It helps me to know that I am making a difference in their lives. I do solely acknowledge my past academic issues and take sole responsibility for my mishaps. My academic mistakes were from the fact that I did not handle being an employee and a student maturely enough. Now, I am older and much more mature and have learned how to adjust to a steady workload as an employee but more importantly, as a student. I have made these mistakes and have worked strenuously to correct them by re-taking classes that I have received unacceptable grades in. I want to continue to channel my work ethic into my academics at this school.
