If you could only do one of the activities you have listed in the Activities section of your Common Application, which one would you keep doing? Why? (Required for all applicants. Must be under 150 words)
This is a supplement for the University of Michigan. If you could just help me edit this that would be amazing :) I have 140 words
Growing up in a culture where almost everyone is possessed by fading pleasures, such as sports, relationships, and money, eternal happiness can be hard to find sometimes. We fall so quickly into the trap of filling our lives with what society tells us will make us happy without looking at the bigger picture. While I have fallen victim many times to putting things that won't always be important to me, like dance, cheer, popularity, and grades, at the center of my life, I have found that true, consistent, and eternal happiness can only come from a relationship with God. Because of the realization that my faith is the only thing that can completely fulfill my longing for happiness, I will continue to grow as a Catholic and I will be active in the church for the rest of my life.
Alaina, I am not sure if you are responding properly to the prompt. You are being asked to choose an activity from the list of activities in your common application. Somehow, I don't think growing as a Catholic and enhancing your relationship with God was part of the listed activities. Would you mind double checking the list of activities your created for yourself and let me know if your response was among the list? Somehow, I don't think that these are activities listed in the common application.
If it is not listed, please review the list of activities and opt for one from the list. One that you identify with the most so that you can justify why you will continue to pursue that activity while you are a student at University of Michigan. I would advise you to pick an activity that will allow you to better socialize with your university-mates and also help you to contribute to the betterment of the University of Michigan student community. Normally, those are the kinds of activities that impress the reviewer the most. Remember, your response needs to show a balanced academic and social side so pick the activity well.
Should I be wrong and you happened to list Catholicism and your relationship with God as one of your activities, then there is no need to review, revise, or edit your current response. It is fine as it is. I just want to make sure that you are responding properly to the instructions, which is why I am having you double check your activities list.
While I also agree with being more specific with an activity inside your activities section, I think writing about this topic could also work.
However, I would start off on the sentence where you begin talking about yourself:
"While I have fallen victim many times to putting things..."
While your ideals are a nice touch, I think the college wants to know why YOU would be choosing this as your only activity, not why everyone else would.
I also think you could cut some words here and there, like:
"...have found that true, consistent, and eternal happiness can only come from a relationship with God."
"Because of the realization that my faith is the only thing that can completely fulfill my longing for happiness..."
Now that you cut down a good portion of the essay, you can include that specificity I was talking about earlier, such as (random examples): the charity drive you run every christmas, or the summer retreats you have with your church group, or a small moment in how being greatly involved in the church has affected you in some way. Definitely make sure to specifically answer that "Why?" question, because that would separate your application response about finding happiness in God with someone else's application response about finding happiness in God.
-hope that helped!
Alaina, with the restrictions of the word count, I suggest that you go straight to the point of what is asked in the prompt and take it from there.
Reading along, I don't see any relevance of your essay to the prompt. The prompt simply asked for any activity, not Faith because faith is devotion to your religion or lifestyle. The prompt is asking you to write on some activity that you would consider doing again and keep doing while you can.
As much as you can be religious and devoted to your religion, I don't think that you consider this just an activity, because for me it's a lifetime commitment.
Also, the prompt is asking for you to choose amongst the list of activities that you have given from the previous prompt.
I suggest re-writing your essay and review your answers from the previous prompt, choose one activity that you think you will do and continue doing when you can.
It should be something that you like doing and not because you need to do it.
I hope to see you essay as an answer to the prompt here on EF so we can help you further.