'Everyone has great potentialities' 200 words significant challenge - Appl. of univerisity

Explain how you responded to a significant challenge that you have encountered and what you learned in the process. (maximum 200 words) (I wrote it around 240 words, and my grammar, sentences structure are really bad. Please give me some suggestions, truly appreciate it)

Everyone has great potentialities. However, if you did not explore it, you will never find out. When I was in the middle school, students are all embarrassing to show themselves in public, and also my ex-teacher in charge of my class. If he/she did not finish their work well enough, the teacher would humiliate students in front of everyone. When I came to the high school, the first class, the public election attracted my attention. I encourage myself to be fearless. It is an approach of faith that I want to change and improve. Therefore, I walk on the stage. All of my classmates watched me quietly, they waited, for me who never public spoken in last 3 years. The detail of what I said - I did not remember it indeed. I was extremely nervous because of lack of the plan. Nonetheless, I will never forget how everyone faces, and eyes contact. They give me confidence that push me overcome the shyness, fear and advanced unpleasant memories. I won the election eventually which I never thought it. I beat my competitor who is extremely intelligent and highly commended by the teacher.

This started my work-life of serving the school and every single student. I was in charge of organizing parties in terms of performance like plays, songs or dance for one year. Similarly, I was responsible for advertisement in Grade 11. I fully believe my accomplishments not only started from my ability, but also completely confidence, courage and faith.

Thank you very much

You are above the word count limit by 40 words and therefore need to cut it down. So, you can avoid talking about more general stuff and concentrate more on things that tell them about yourself.


... you better start with this idea. But you need to rephrase this sentence because your idea is not delivered clearly;
When I was in the middle school, my teacher used to humiliate and embarrass the students in my class publicly when they didn't do their homework properly. So we avoided public appearances. .... I guess this is what you mean.


However, when I entered high school, I was so attracted to contest for the public election.