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I will do everything I can to fully maximize my university experience; Queens PS



mmec 1 / 1  
Jan 10, 2014   #1
How can I improve this? Writing isn't quite my strong point and I need this to be as well written as possible.

In an essay of 300 words or fewer (approximately 1950 characters with spaces), write about your goals for your time at Queen's University and beyond. Your answer will be evaluated for content and writing style

During my time at Queen's, I will do everything I can to fully maximize my university experience. Through balancing academics and extra-curricular activities, I will take every opportunity to try new things as well as explore the Kingston community. I will take classes to help me fulfill my dream of going to medical school to become an orthopedic surgeon. I also would love to investigate international opportunities, whether it be doing an exchange or volunteering abroad. I love experiencing new cultures and I believe that an experience like that would benefit me greatly and enhance my university experience.

On top of fulfilling my academic goals, during my time at Queens I plan on participating in clubs and intermural sports. Although interested by many of the almost endless amounts of extracurricular activities, Queen's Free the Children and Queen's Veg Community sound like clubs where I could contribute greatly as they both involve things that I am passionate about. Furthermore, I would love to find an organization in the Kingston area to volunteer for as I believe volunteering to make an impact in the community is an important thing to do.

In conclusion, over my time at Queen's, I will strive to participate in all aspects of university. Through academics and extra-curricular activities I will maximize my experience and contribute my skills and knowledge to hopefully give a lasting impact to the university.

sunny0122 1 / 2  
Jan 10, 2014   #2
Instead of Saying "I will take classes to help me fulfill my dream.." I think that you should mention specific classes or programs that Queens that interest you, this will show them that you did some extra research on their school. You did a really good job with using specific clubs you are interested in!! But I think you should beef up your conclusion a little bit more, maybe include how you will contribute to their school, and you didn't really talk about the "and beyond" part so you could include that in your conclusion? I hope that helped! Good luck on your application process!!
OP mmec 1 / 1  
Jan 10, 2014   #3
Thank you! I'm definitely going to use your feedback and edit it some more.
dumi 1 / 6795  
Feb 1, 2014   #4
I also would love to investigate international opportunities, whether it be doing an exchange or volunteering abroad.

I would also explore the opportunities for international exposure like exchange or volunteering abroad.

. I love experiencing new cultures and I believe that an experience like that would benefit me greatly and enhance my university experience.

Being a lover of exploring and experiencing new cultures, I am sure such experiences would add lots of value to my campus life.

On top of fulfilling my academic goals, during my time at Queens I plan on participating in clubs and intermural sports.

....no need to repeat "during my time at Queens" too often. It's implied :)


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