"only few examples of career women" - supplement Mount Holyoke College

Hi there....have deadline :)

1. When selecting a college, it's important to be able to articulate why a certain school is a good "match" for you. Tell us what draws you to Mount Holyoke College.

Coming from conservative country where there are only few examples of career women as only some of the women dare to break the social norms and enter the so-called man's world, I, being a woman myself, definitely look upon Mount Holyoke as a place where I can learn and mature at the same time. The curriculum of Liberal arts requires openness to innovative ideas, a willingness to learn and learning by arguing about any idea by relating it to multiple perspectives. Hence, Liberal arts requires much more than normal Nepali education and Mount Holyoke being the prominent liberal arts college with very rigorous academics that allows for well rounded development, I chose Mount Holyoke.

Everyone lives with a dream and I am no exception; I dream of transcending all odds and after four years at Holyoke, I believe, I will undeniably be closer to my goal. After attending the Weissman Center's Speaking, Arguing, and Writing Program class, I envision myself practising my communicating skills with my girlfriends. I'd also take "cognitive neuroscience" as five college certificates. It'd be really great experience to take classes at the five colleges of the five college consortium and explore the courses offered. To an international student Mount Holyoke is known for meeting the demonstrated financial needs of eligible students. Hence, it is possible for us to dream the American dream. No college student's life is complete without overflowing extracurricular activities. I'll try my best to infuse ECA with my academics and I hope I'll be able to give my best to the college community in every ways possible.

I hope the spirit of womanhood and supportive environment of Mount Holyoke will congregate my talents and give me the opportunities to think out of the box.

Hi,

Coming from a conservative country where there are only few examples of career women as only somehandful ofof the women dare to break the social norms and enter into the so-called man's world, I, being a woman myself, definitely look upon Mount Holyoke as a place where I can learn and mature at the same time.

I find that your first para has very long sentences which tend to disturb your flow of writing. The second para flows smoothly because in that you do not have this problem. Just give some thought to this point. You write well.

Good luck!

Coming from conservative a country where there are only few career women because only some of the women dare to break the social norms and enter the so-called man's world, I, being a woman myself, definitely look upon Mount Holyoke as a place where I can learn and mature at the same time. (this sentense is too long and wordy, try to break into two or more sentence)

The curriculum of Liberal arts requires openness to innovative ideas, a willingness to learn and learning by arguing about any idea from multiple perspectives. Hence, Liberal arts requires much more than normal Nepali education.Because Mount Holyokeisa prominent liberal arts college with very rigorous academics which are beneficial for well rounded development, I chose Mount Holyoke.

Everyone lives with a dream and so do I ; I dream of transcending all odds and after four years at Holyoke, I believe, I will undeniably be closer to my goal. After attending the Weissman Center's Speaking, Arguing, and Writing Program class, I envision myself practising

the rest is pretty good
the passage is good and the second paragraph shows that you know the college well.
one advise: try to shorten your sentence and make it clear.
i don't think the AO would like to read essays like the ones in SAT of GRE.

thank you for editing mine.