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'excellent links in the fastest growing industry' - Motivation Letter Aarhus University


satoko 1 / -  
Sep 2, 2014   #1
Hi everyone. I would be most grateful if somebody could check my motivation letter for uni. It's a crucial step in my life.

I want to study at Business Academy Aarhus because of your exceptional education, internship experience, and your excellent links in the fastest growing industry.

Throughout the past four years I have been trying to find out what would attract me the most as a lifetime profession, and while doing many different things, such as avidly studying English and German, polishing my culinary skills while working in English restaurant, travelling, organizing seminars with foreigners in my school. I have come to conclusion that Tourism and Hospitality is actually the field where I would always be happy to work.

My interest in the hospitality branch comes predominantly from the fact that I want to work with people both as a staff member but also in relation to customers. During my high school education in Poland I always took initiative to create many projects. I organized various meetings with foreigner friends from Australia and USA, which were part of a bigger project with main purpose of breaking a cultural and communication barrier. During those meeting Australians had an opportunity to show us how they spend their Christmas on beaches, and to teach us about Australian culture. American friends introduced us to origin and history of Thanksgiving through a costume play. I had an amazing privilege to show them our neighborhood - mountain rocks of Szwajcaria Lwówecka, old City Hall and square in Jelenia Góra. We have seen many other fascinating places. As an extremely determined and self-motivated student I dedicated my time for studies of History and English language, which helped me to understand, and pass the many information about monuments we visited. I also like to work in team. I often volunteered to stay after classes to help my fellow students fill in gaps in their knowledge with my own brain maps, notes and personal tutorial. I understood that to work in this hospitality industry I will have to be part of an organization and have to coordinate myself but at the same time have to have in mind that there is a client to tend, whose needs have to be fulfilled. The hospitality branch is in a constant process of change, it demands new ideas for every season - an intriguing task which is suited for me.

My High School noticed the impact of my contribution and independent, hard work by awarding me twice a row, for a best English speaking student in years of 2013 and 2014, and giving me statuette for a student with broadest historical knowledge in the year of 2014.

Studying in Denmark won't be my first experience abroad. I often stayed in Germany during my winter breaks to spend some time with my family. I paired up my work in Camelot Castle Hotel Cornwall with learning about English history and travelling along the beautiful Cornish coastline. Furthermore I consider myself a highly environmentally-minded person.

My love of languages and culinary arts combine with my experiences of living in different cultures to form my aspiration for a career in International hospitality.

With my high level of energy I take direct actions to get things done and always come up with innovative solutions. I am confident that I will bring a my teamwork and responsibility skills to influence others in your program. I am sure to exceed your expectations, because of my academic and interpersonal skills as well as the experience gained from work.

Completing the programme in Denmark would be definitely a springboard to my career in the Industry.

I hope, I was able to give you an impression of my motivation to choose the hospitality management programme on your university.
Yours sincerely

vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Sep 2, 2014   #2
First of all, what was the prompt that you were given for this essay? It is necessary for you to provide the prompt so that a guideline will exist as reference for the content of your essay that will be reviewed.

I want to study at Business Academy Aarhus because of your exceptional education, internship experience, and your excellent links in the fastest growing industry .

- Do not use generalized comments like these to open an essay. Jump immediately to the second paragraph instead.

I have come to conclusion that Tourism and Hospitality is actually the field where I would always be happy to work .

- I have come to the conclusion that my combined life experiences has led me to the path of Tourism and Hospitality as a career choice.

My interest in the hospitality branch comes predominantly from the fact that I want to work with people both as a staff member but also in relation to customers

-... both as a staff member and in customer...

took initiative to create many projects

- ... took the initiative...

a bigger project with main purpose of breaking a cultural and communication barrier.

... a bigger project with the main.. communication barriers .

those meeting

- ... meetings , ...

introduced us to origin and history of Thanksgiving through a costume play.

-... to the origin.

We have seen many other fascinating places .

- That sentence did not help the paragraph to move forward. No new information was introduced.

As an extremely determined and self-motivated student I dedicated my timefor studies of History and English language

- ... motivated student , I dedicated my time to the studies...

and pass the many information

- . and pass on the ...

work in team.

- work with a team.

I understood that to work in this hospitality industry I will have to be part of an organization and have to coordinate myself but at the same time have to have in mind that there is a client to tend, whose needs have to be fulfilled.

- All of those experiences helped me to gain an early understanding of the tourism and hospitality field. I learned the importance of being able to assist strangers with their needs as they reside or visit a foreign country.

hard work by awarding me twice a row, for a best English speaking student in years of 2013 and 2014,

- by twice awarding me the Best...

Furthermore I consider myself a highly environmentally-minded person.

- expand upon this comment in relation to the tourism industry.

to form my aspiration for a career in International hospitality.

- ... to form my desire ...

I am sure to exceed your expectations, because of my academic and interpersonal skills as well as the experience gained from work.

- ... because of my academic and interpersonal skills coupled with my vast work experience.

Sometimes cleaning up an essay is just a matter of correcting grammar and punctuation errors. Enhancing certain sentences also helps to drive your point home. I hope that the corrections and suggestions I made will help you do that for your paper :-)


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