I had never expected that Economics would become my dream major - UIUC essay

Hi everyone, here is my first draft for my UIUC essay.
Please take a look at this essay, any comments and advise are welcomed!!!
THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!! have a nice day:-)

prompt:Explain your interest in the major you selected. You may describe a related experience you have had to that area of study and/or your future career goals.

I joined in the economics club with curiosity in senior one and never had I expected this would become my dream major.

The first club activity impressed me that the leader gave us an assignment-to start an own business. I had to admit that this really puzzled me for knowing nothing about economics, no experience ever to start a business. However, I still decided to have a try. I firstly read a basic economics book to get familiar with different types of markets, potential customers and target customers, specific strategies to appeal those people etc., which provided me fundamental understanding to finish this task.

My plan was to sell self-made postcards since most people believed that self-made thing were well made and more exquisite. Moreover, my target customers were all students at school since a large scale of selling could build up market's credibility and make more profit. After a basic frame of plan formed, I began to take practical actions. It took me two weeks to take a series of photos of my school as the subject of postcard; myself three years' adapt photography skill could ensure that it was unnecessary to spend extra money asking professionals for help.

How to sell successfully was the most crucial experience to me. According to selling's principle, the best marketing place would have a great flow of people and excellent visibility. After comparing with different sites in school, I decisively chose the spare place in front of dining hall as my stall, which proved my decision was judicious undoubtedly later. Every day students finished lunch and walked out dining hall, they could not stop having a look at my postcard for curiosity. As long as they asked me about postcard, it literally half-succeeded. By introducing my product and selling with affordable price, my business really went well, having achieved the expected goal. Our leader reviewed our business and gave us professional advice from perspective of economics to this experience.

Because of this unforgettable business experience, I have learned so much about economics. For its attraction, I would like to explore this magic area for my further study.

Heather, you were able to successfully answer the prompt. There are just grammatical errors that need to be cleaned up. So let's get started on that shall we? :-)


- I never expected Economics to become my dream major when I joined the Economics Club during my senior one year. Let me explain why this was a sudden realization for me.

- When I first joined the club, our first task was to start our own business. I was puzzled about how to do this because I was clueless about economics, had no experience in business, and had no idea about how to create a business plan. Yet I still gave it a try. I started by reading about the basics of economics and familiarizing myself with the rudimentary requirements and terms of the field. Eventually, I developed a fundamental understanding of economics that helped me participate in the club task.

- The plan was for me to sell self-made postcards on the premise that people believed hand made products were more special and exquisite. My target, were the students at our school since they were a captive audience and thus, would result in huge sales, market credibility, and a profit within our school environment. After forming my basic plan, I used my pre-acquired photography skills to take two weeks worth of photos at school for use in the postcard,created my product, then implemented my business plan.

- Using the selling principle that explained that the best way to sell my product would be to position myself in a high traffic place, I positioned myself in front of the dining hall. My stall caught the attention of every student coming out of the fining hall, making them stop to look at my wares out of curiosity. Though I was not able to sell many postcards, I was able to create visibility for my product by introducing my item to the consumers, thus completing the goal of the exercise.

We have a problem with the conclusion that you wrote because you were not able to present your future goals towards the end of the essay and that is a requirement of the prompt. Can you please develop that idea so that we can further work on the essay?

Thank you so much for helping me, I really appreciate that!!! I do really need more practice on my writing skill lol.
I will add my future goal at the end of essay; Is it ok if I just write few sentences about it?

A few sentences of whole paragraphs about it, either way will work. What is important is that you are able to present it to the admissions officer with an explanation of how you will attempt to achieve those goals with the help of their university. Although not directly stated, it is implied that your method of achieving your personal career goals will entail the help of the university and its teachers. So develop your goals from that point of view. It would help if you had a 2 or 5 year career plan to present. That will show how serious you are about making it as a professional in the field of study you chose to enter.