'experience in health care prior to a PA' - motivation towards becoming a PA

Can i please get feedback it is really needed i am not sure if this is good enough.

Imagine being given this wonderful news that you could be delivering this beautiful baby girl in the next 32 -42 weeks and in just 26 weeks you end up delivering a premature baby girl and told that she would not be able to breath properly or eat by herself without a tube inserted into her mouth or nose. This beautiful baby girl happens to be me , born may 17 1991 at St. Thomas hospital weighing one pound two ounces. I have a lot of appreciation for all healthcare providers including the once that took care of me when I was born. Without them, I would not be alive today. I've always had a motivation of being some type of healthcare provider that would be able to provide for children in particular.

I started my freshman year of college without any. Knowledge of what type of health care provider I wanted to be. I knew for sure that I would want to help people. In some way so I decided to take the path in biology in the health field to declare my major. My next step was to then start attending premedical meetings to try to figure out what I was interested in and what I can do. I began volunteering at nursing homes and going with my mom to work just to see the nature of her job as a registered nurse. I then took a trip to Accra Ghana, winter break 2011 there I shadowed a dentist that gave me the idea of considering the career as a pediatric dentist. from there I decided to intern at a dental office summer 2011. I enjoyed working there and also got to see a nurse anesthesiologist work in hand with a dentist on a patient. On march 2012 I got to experience the birth of my little niece in an ambulance where the paramedic had no clue how to deliver babies. I listened to him tell my mom " oh my god this is my first time doing this". Luckily as a registered nurse, my mother has a little insight on how to get my sister in a stable condition and deliver the baby until they arrived at the hospital. This was the most amazing experience of my life and I quite enjoyed it. This mainly influenced my motivation towards becoming a Physician's Assistant, it comes directly from my desire to learn and use my natural skills and experience to the best of my ability.

My current degree in progress is Bachelor's of Science in biology and I chose this as a precursor to give me experience in health care prior to a PA graduate program. This major has been an extremely challenging process but has given me incredible insight to direct patient care. The biology curriculum has allowed me to view the material I have learned in not just a scientific view but also with a holistic view. I have also been able to follow and work with Physician's, Physician Assistant's, nurses, dentists, and paramedics in various settings. From shadowing in several health care settings, I was able to learn that the roles of the Physician Assistant are not limited to universal tasks, but are actually specialized depending on the setting.

After spending valuable time learning from experienced specialty's, I feel confident in my abilities to provide meticulous patient care. My personal experience has also allowed me to not be afraid of patients and their families, but to be outgoing and confront problems as they arise. With my knowledge in health field so far and my past experiences with children, I believe that the right career for me is to become a physician assistant specializing in gynecology and obstetrics. The PA profession offers a great responsibility. Becoming one would satisfy my desire to making a meaningful contribution to humanity and also includes some vague characteristic of flexibility that allows for a more balanced life. Physician Assistants have the ability to change specialties and practice settings during their career. This would be the most satisfying way to combine my compassionate and caring personality, my love of science, and the skills I have learned through my experiences in life. It will be my honor complete this program at your institution, and hope I will be given this privilege.

Imagine being given this wonderful news
this , is not correct because this is single and news are plural

News is an uncountable noun, not a plural word.

Is there another way I could say what I'm trying to say?

Thank you so much I like that better. Did you take a look at the rest of my essay is it okay?

Rudy,
Apparantly,Your content is good. My suggestion is "Spice it up."
Usually its boring and dull to read others story, unless you make it interesting, flowing and capable of binding readers till the end.

Your story is wonderful and miracle. You can make it better. Think how to make it interesting, Read...edit, reread ... edit and reread.. edit ... read as a storyteller and

reader . Then edit it , you can make it even better.
.

I read your whole essay. If possible edit one more time and I will review if it is needed.

With best,

Okay thank you I will.

(Okay i think this is some what the final review almost i added something about the paramedic but i wasn't sure how to put that in the sentence before saying something amazing happened.) Thank you so much for your help.

Weighing one pound two ounces born at twenty-six week of gestation on May 17 of 1991, instantly tangled in medical tubes and wires under ultraviolet light inside the incubator, I was perilously premature. I would not be alive in order to thrive for my brightest future today, if doctors and healthcare providers' hard work had not had turn into a miracle. Since I realized this, I have determined that I would find a career in healthcare field particularly related to infants and children.

With that in mind, I started my freshman year of college without any clear knowledge of what type of health care provider I wanted to be. I had the P.A. profession at the back of my mind because I remembers that I was taken care of by one when I was younger however, I knew for sure that I would want to help people In some way. I began going with my mom to work at nursing and private homes to observe the nature of her job as a registered nurse. In winter break, I took a trip to Accra; Ghana, where I shadowed a dentist who gave me an idea of considering the career as a pediatric dentist. I decided to intern at a Dr. Stiles dental office summer 2011. I got good opportunity to observe a nurse anesthesiologist work closely. I learned various techniques on how to sterilize instruments, take a mouth impression on a patient, running x-rays and much more. Although i enjoyed my experience there i could tell you the most exciting part of my day was being able to talk to children about how fun teeth is and all the things we could do with them.

On March 14, 2012, something aastonishing happened which reassured my decision of becoming a P.A.. I got to experience the birth of my little niece in an ambulance where the paramedic had no clue how to deliver babies. I listened to him tell my mom " oh my god this is my first time doing this". At that moment all I could here my sister say was " Get this thing out of me" and my mother say " breath in breath out" and All I could think of was "wow this could really be an opportunity for me to be the hero today", I started recapping on various baby stories on TLC that I watched on how to deliver babies. Luckily as a registered nurse, my mother had a little insight on how to get my sister in a stable condition and deliver the baby until they arrived at the hospital. This was the most amazing experience of my life and I quite enjoyed it. I get excited just to be in a hospital; some people may think I am crazy for that but that is my passion, I love helping people, I love seeing children turn a frown into a smile. My motivation towards becoming a Physician's Assistant comes directly from my desire to learn and use my natural skills and experience to the best of my ability.

My current degree in progress is Bachelor's of Science in biology and I chose this as a precursor to give me experience in health care prior to a P.A. graduate program. This major has been an extremely challenging process but has given me incredible insight to direct patient care. I have also been able to follow and work with Physician's, nurses, dentists, and paramedics in various settings. From shadowing in several health care settings, I am able to learn that the roles of the Physician Assistant are not limited to universal tasks, but are actually specialized depending on the setting.

After spending valuable time learning from experienced specialty's, I feel confident in my abilities to provide meticulous patient care. My personal experience has also allowed me to not be afraid of patients and their families, but to be outgoing and confront problems as they arise. With my knowledge in health field so far, I believe that the right career for me is to become a physician assistant specializing in gynecology and obstetrics. After extensive research and talking to various physicians i have learned that a P.A. profession offers a great responsibility; becoming one would satisfy my desire to making a meaningful contribution to humanity and also includes some vague characteristic of flexibility that allows for a more balanced life. Physician Assistants have the ability to change specialties and practice settings during their career. This would be the most satisfying way to combine my compassionate and caring personality, my love of science, and the skills I have learned through my experiences in life. It will be my honor complete this program at your institution, and hope I will be given this privilege.

This is a good essay. You have clear flow of ideas and amazing story.
Good luck for your admission!

thank you