This is my essay for the University of Richmond. Can you please check for grammer and maybe things I could add to the essay.
At the age of nine, I had just moved to Enfield, Connecticut. It was a new
school, new people, and I was more than nervous. Coming into the school, my mom was given an option of putting me into ESL (English Second Language) classes. I was mortified. I've been living in America for six years and I felt that there was no reason I needed these classes. My family is originally from Poland, I moved to America when I was three. At my previous school in Boston, programs like this weren't offered. I had to learn English all on my own. It was hard enough being the new kid in school, and now they would think I was "different" because I had to take ESL classes. Everyday, when that clock struck one I started getting nervous. I was scared that the kids in my class would find out where I went at 1:15 everyday. I felt so uncomfortable leaving the classroom, and sometime I would just pretend to forgot to go see my ESL teacher. I didn't want kids knowing I was Polish; I didn't want them to think I was different. I was ashamed of who I really was. I held a grudge against my mom for the longest time because I thought she was just doing this to publicize where we came from. I always felt out of my comfort zone when I was with my friends because I was hiding the most important detail about my life. Moving to a new school gave me a clean slate and I took the advantage of pretending to be someone who I wasn't. As the months passed I felt more and more out of my comfort zone. I was hiding a huge secret from everyone and I hated going to school. My third grade year was one of the worst in my whole school experience.
Finally, during heritage day, everyone found out my secret. I felt
relieved knowing that I wasn't hiding anything anymore. This experience changed me drastically because now, I am so proud of where I come from. I was really nervous telling my friends that I took ESL classes, but to my surprise, they didn't care. My friends didn't treat me differently, if anything they thought it was so cool that I spoke a different language, fluently. I'm not ashamed of speaking a different language, yes I'm different, but no person is the same. Honesty makes life so much easier. Once my secret was out, I felt like I could finally be myself around everyone. Ever since third grade, I've always been honest with people, and telling them I'm Polish is one of the first things people find out about me.
I am a terrible proof reader, but I did notice some grammatical errors:
"I felt so uncomfortable leaving the classroom, and sometime I would just pretend to forgot to go see my ESL teacher." - This needs to be rewritten. Sometime should be sometimes and forgot should be forget. and should also be changed to "that" IMO, not sure though.
I love your story! For my idea I think you should have more description about your inner feeling for this. Also, you make me think of this quote...
It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are. ~e.e. cummings
Maybe it can use in your essay..
