Here is my essay for the University of Richmond, I would really love it if you checked for content and grammer-related errors. I also wanted to know if I have a concrete message.
Prompt: Tell us about an experience in which you left your comfort zone. How did this experience change you?
When I was 13 years old, and just starting 7th grade, my parents told me that we were going to leave Chicago and move to Richmond, Virginia so my parents can get better jobs and we could be closer to our family. I was very nervous because I was born in Chicago and never moved out of the city before. I didn't want to leave all my child hood friends nor my school, I didn't want to leave my grandparents nor my school which I have gone to for the past seven years. I essentially didn't want to leave my comfort zone. When my family said that we were going to move, the only though that was going through my mind was that I was going to loss all that was familiar towards me. One selfish reason I didn't want to move was that I felt as though I would not get a better education in Richmond. When I was in 7th grade, my family, at the recommendations of my teachers, had plans of sending me to Lane Tech College Prep High School after I finished 8th grade. I, in my childish manner, developed a negative schema that will always go to a 'bad' high school in addition letting my family and teachers down. My parents explained to me that [my connotation of] God plans everything so I should not let my faith down. In my childish manner I rejected what they said and was always in a sad mood for duration of the last month I spent in Chicago. I tried playing with my childhood/neighborhood friends, but just the sight of innocently approaching me made me depressed.
My family finally moved to Richmond, Virginia and for the first week I was full of nostalgic memories. In my new school, I felt extremely nervous from the fear that something unexpected might happen such as no one would want to be my friend or that the teachers might ignore me. I soon realized that I was wrong, although I was nervous, I did make lots of new friends and meet new teachers. I then graduated from middle school to high school and only after the first year in my high school, I transferred to another high school. I wasn't nervous because ever since my family move to Richmond, I have changed middle schools due to rezoning issues and then I was a transfer student to another high school and those experiences have made me used to moving. The experience of leaving my comfort zone in Chicago has changed me in that it has made me a better person. I have learned to think optimistically and my parents were right when they said that 'something good always comes out' because when I was in Chicago, I had the fear that I wasn't going to get the best high school education that the county that to offer. The reason I transferred my high school was so I could go to the International Baccalaureate specialty center, which offered the most rigorous courses in the county. I made friends from diverse nationalities at the specialty center while learning viewing learning from a holistic perspective. I have also learned to make light of situations in that I shouldn't worry much about things that I cannot control; through my experience of leaving my comfort zone, I have learned to never be afraid of anything because wherever I go, I will always meet new people and learn new things, so through the experience, I believe that I have developed philosophically and socially.
Prompt: Tell us about an experience in which you left your comfort zone. How did this experience change you?
When I was 13 years old, and just starting 7th grade, my parents told me that we were going to leave Chicago and move to Richmond, Virginia so my parents can get better jobs and we could be closer to our family. I was very nervous because I was born in Chicago and never moved out of the city before. I didn't want to leave all my child hood friends nor my school, I didn't want to leave my grandparents nor my school which I have gone to for the past seven years. I essentially didn't want to leave my comfort zone. When my family said that we were going to move, the only though that was going through my mind was that I was going to loss all that was familiar towards me. One selfish reason I didn't want to move was that I felt as though I would not get a better education in Richmond. When I was in 7th grade, my family, at the recommendations of my teachers, had plans of sending me to Lane Tech College Prep High School after I finished 8th grade. I, in my childish manner, developed a negative schema that will always go to a 'bad' high school in addition letting my family and teachers down. My parents explained to me that [my connotation of] God plans everything so I should not let my faith down. In my childish manner I rejected what they said and was always in a sad mood for duration of the last month I spent in Chicago. I tried playing with my childhood/neighborhood friends, but just the sight of innocently approaching me made me depressed.
My family finally moved to Richmond, Virginia and for the first week I was full of nostalgic memories. In my new school, I felt extremely nervous from the fear that something unexpected might happen such as no one would want to be my friend or that the teachers might ignore me. I soon realized that I was wrong, although I was nervous, I did make lots of new friends and meet new teachers. I then graduated from middle school to high school and only after the first year in my high school, I transferred to another high school. I wasn't nervous because ever since my family move to Richmond, I have changed middle schools due to rezoning issues and then I was a transfer student to another high school and those experiences have made me used to moving. The experience of leaving my comfort zone in Chicago has changed me in that it has made me a better person. I have learned to think optimistically and my parents were right when they said that 'something good always comes out' because when I was in Chicago, I had the fear that I wasn't going to get the best high school education that the county that to offer. The reason I transferred my high school was so I could go to the International Baccalaureate specialty center, which offered the most rigorous courses in the county. I made friends from diverse nationalities at the specialty center while learning viewing learning from a holistic perspective. I have also learned to make light of situations in that I shouldn't worry much about things that I cannot control; through my experience of leaving my comfort zone, I have learned to never be afraid of anything because wherever I go, I will always meet new people and learn new things, so through the experience, I believe that I have developed philosophically and socially.
