Today experience matters much more than credentials in the labor market. ProTrack Engineering Co-op

Why would it be to your advantage to participate in the ProTrack Engineering Co-op program option?

Today experience matters much more than credentials in the labor market. Most companies employ people that have had experience in the job, this is a problem for a graduating student as it will be hard for them to get a job, competing with people that have worked in the same field for a number of years. With the Florida Pro-Track Engineering Co-op program I will stand a better chance for a good career from graduation.

From the time I started doing mathematics and physics in high school, with the occasional dash home to watch space exploration programs, from NASA's Mars exploration to Virgin Galactica's new satellite tech, I grew to love engineering, especially designing and building machines that will go out in space and help in the discovery of new planets and stars. The Pro-Track Engineering Co-op program allows me to explore engineering through an Aerospace engineer's eyes, I will not only finish college with a degree, but the skills in working full time in a big company. I will also have a better understanding of the subject as it will be practical and I can apply what I have learnt in class and the research I have done in real life situations.

Due to the extremely weak economic situation in Zimbabwe and that we currently don't have our own currency, college in the United States is very expensive and since scholarships are extremely competitive for international students I will use this program to sustain my everyday living and my education program.

Bayathe, I don't see anything impressive in the way that you wrote this essay. You do not have a training path spelled out for yourself that will help you take advantage of this work - study program. Please look into considering your future career path and then relate it to the reasons why the Pro Track Engineering program will be of benefit to you. Basically, you should mention some companies affiliated with the program and the kind of training that you hope to receive under this program. Consider why the potential Co-op experience will help you stand out in the workforce after graduation. It should not just be because you worked at so and so company. It should be about how the practical training you will receive will help you progress to the next level of the workforce while other graduates will have to start at the bottom.

Now, you have to remove the scholarship reference in the essay. Don't confuse your personal reasons for wanting to join the program with your academic reasons, which is the primary focus of this essay. This is not the time to talk about the difficulties you have in getting an education because your country does not have a currency or that expenses are high and scholarships are hard to come by. Don't deviate from the prompt. Don't make the reviewer close the reading of your essay on the wrong topic because that is what he will most likely remember and, in this case, your closing statement does not relate to the prompt and therefore, will not help your application.

@Holt
Thanks a lot I will edit it and post a new one

@Holt here is a revision of the essay I hope this one is better than the last and I took out the scholarship reference

Many graduates find themselves unable to do practical work or to solve practical problems at work, as a result the number of graduates that cannot find jobs is increasing because in today's labor market experience matters much more than credentials. The lack of practical skill is caused by the fact that most universities spend too much attention on theoretical education rather than practical work skills. This is where Florida's Pro-Track program makes a difference

As one who wants to design satellites and space exploration vehicles, the Pro-Track Engineering Co-op program allows me to explore engineering through an Aerospace engineer's eyes. I am a hands-on person who understands better when doing something practically, this program will take me to the fore-front of space research, I will get to work with companies like NASA and Space-X, companies that have had decades of experience and technology. Not only will this enrich my resume, I will have a better grasp of the subject from applying what I have learnt to solve real life challenges and also working with scientists and engineers that are already in the field.

With this program, I won't just graduate with a degree, but with the skills in working full time, solving problems in a work environment and three semester's worth of experience. This gives me an advantage over the average graduate.

Bayathe, in the first paragraph, you do not really close your statement properly. You have an incomplete sentence that ends with "... makes a difference..." Therefore, it is obvious that your thought process is not completely presented yet. In fact, it isn't really as informative and strong as it should be in delivering your statement. I would suggest that you use the following statement I developed for you instead:

The Florida Pro-Track program makes a world of difference to people such as myself. I come from a country that is not capable of properly educating and training me in my field of professional interest. Therefore, I would not have a chance to grow as a professional in this field. Through my participation in the co-op program, I will be given the rare, once in a lifetime opportunity to actually pursue my interests and train in the field under notable professionals in the area , albeit in a foreign country. The most important reason and advantage for me as a participant in this program is that I have the chance to find employment in the field where I know I will find career fulfillment and satisfaction .

Using that statement should provide a more informed and stronger opening paragraph for your response. You can use what I wrote if you wish to, or you can write your own revised statement based upon it. The decision is yours.

@Holt
Wow that is an amazing intro. I will write another one using yours as a reference.