okay, so i still have atleast 100 words i can add. My sentences arent smooth enough, please help
It's hard to comprehend how excited I am going to college. I have two main goals I hope to accomplish as an undergraduate in BU. I want to be able to experience diversity of cultures in BU and at the same time able to support myself financially, but most importantly, I want have an enough amount of time dedicated to helping people who needed.
By going to BU, I hope to explore more of what the world offers, I want to be more expose to other cultures, become more outgoing and sociable. BU will help me earn a degree in education that will help me support myself financially and help others at the same time.
Before I came to the U.S., I lived in China. There, every Sunday I go to church, the church locates in a neighborhood similar to a slum, and we would come across a dozen homeless people at a time. I would always give them money but the situation there just seems to get worse. On one particular Sunday I saw a boy around my age going through the garbage hoping to find anything useful. While looking at him, I thought to myself, I could have been that unfortunate boy. At that moment, I decided to dedicate my life to help others who needed.
In high school, I excel in all my art classes especially in graphic design, I enjoyed the class so much I want to major in the graphic design field. I first didn't feel strong about decision because I couldn't really do much to help people when I major in graphic design. But wanting to do what I love at the same time, I decided to compromise the two. I want to become a graphic designer who designs posters and through other media to promote awareness for people suffering from poverty. Since I had already started on this path, it will be great to be able to continue working for this cause if I get into BU.
Right now is already the twenty-first century, and there is still a huge amount of people suffering from poverty. I have strong faith that through BU I will be able to do my part to do my part to stop poverty in the world. My intended career might seem very useless in a big picture, but I believe individual matters, every bit will help.
your first sentence: "it's hard to comprehend how excited I am going to college," sounds like an exaggeration and you want it to sound authentic. also, don't mention financial reasons as a reason for you to attend BU, i'm sure it's something no college wants to hear.
i am very intrigued by your desire to help people, and i liked your personal anecdote. that is unique and tells admissions officers a lot about you.
maybe talk about outreach programs BU offers? besides just graphic design, because it sounds like a stretch that graphic design alone will help you alleviate poverty.
there are little areas for you to clean up (watch your grammar) but your idea about helping others is very interesting!
please please please give me some feedback on my supplement to u of m, i would really appreciate it
