Hey guys if you could take a look at my upenn supplementary and provide some useful feedback, that would be great.
Considering both the specific undergraduate school to which you are applying and the unique aspects of the University of Pennsylvania, what do you hope to learn from and contribute to the Penn community? ( 500 words.)
Over the course of my life, I've had the fortune of being exposed to many places and societies that differ widely in culture and geography. I've developed various interests and a varied skill set as a result of the different challenges I've faced while adapting to new circumstances. As I enter a new stage in life, it seems only natural that I should continue to hone my skills and refine my interests, as well as acquire new skills and interests. I strongly feel that the University of Pennsylvania is the best place for me, as an individual, to do so.
Most colleges have an atmosphere of ample cultural and ethnic diversity. A lot of them have a plethora of interesting groups and organizations. Many even offer a top notch academic program. So then, why Penn? Not one of the other colleges I've looked at places such a strong emphasis on interdisciplinary research. This is a huge boon considering that I plan to pursue a BSE in Bioengineering. Although I'm very passionate about math, logical analysis and the sciences, somewhere along the line I've always seen myself as an entrepreneur. Where else, other than Penn could I take an independent study course and pursue interdisciplinary research in areas like the economics of biotechnology startups? Not to mention the opportunity to register for classes at the Wharton School. I'd also be able to meet some of the smartest bioengineers in the nation by joining Penn's Biomedical Engineer's Society.
Besides the boundless opportunities and the engaging academic program at Penn SEAS, there are a lot of non-academic aspects of Penn that strongly appeal to me. I really want to be a part of Communitech and help bridge the digital divide between the poor and the rich; I've always held the belief that only through education and technology can poverty be successfully combated. I want to do my part and contribute towards ensuring sustainable development in the community, and I believe that Engineers Without Borders is an organization in which can help me do just that. Although I haven't had much previous experience in these departments, I'm really interested in trying my hand at Student Government and writing for the Pennsylvania Triangle while I'm at Penn. I plan to make the maximum use of all the facilities throughout the 4 years of college, by pursuing challenging internships, by being a part of the groundbreaking research, by developing practical know how and by mixing with some of the smartest students from all over the world. I know the next four years are going to spawn some great and indelible memories and I believe that at Penn, I will be able to graduate with far more than just an engineering degree.
Your essay is great and have answered the questions pretty well! But I am not pretty sure if it's a right way to style your academic essay with punches such as this "So then, why Penn?" , so get it counter check with somebody else as well!
all the best with your application, would be happy if you could look mine as well! Thanks!
Your essay is good, it touches on the main aspects that Penn is looking for in it's student body. The only issue I have with this essay is your usage of Poor and Rich. You should always use a softer tone in these kinds of essays. Saying "Poor people," is contrary to the mission that Penn has established - which is to integrate Penn with its surrounding community. Using - the word Disadvantaged or underprivileged will soften this statement. -AAO
Hope this helps.
Thank you guys for your input! Riddi I'd love to look at your essay, but I'm going to sleep now so I'll read it tomorrow :)
If anyone else could give me some input too, that would be great.
