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"How do you express your inner world" - help with UNC Chapel Hill essay?


jlabrousse 1 / -  
Oct 30, 2010   #1
I wrote two versions and none of them seem to be working for me...

"People find many ways to express their inner world. Some write novels; others paint, perform, or debate; still others design elegant solutions to complex mathematical problems. How do you express your inner world, and how does the world around you respond?"

1.I looked into the lens, and a new world was on the other side. I knew I was still in the same place, but it felt like a sort of parallel universe. This world had a different feel to it. Finding the perfect angle, I snapped a shot of this parallel universe and lowered the camera. Suddenly, I was in a familiar place again. Everything was back to normal. I didn't know why liked taking such random pictures, I had never thought about it. It just grew on me. Before, I'd snap photos of pretty sunsets and flowers, but something inside of me wanted to delve deeper, and I discovered that photography was much more than what was in the picture.

They say a picture is worth a thousand words. It's also worth a million emotions and a billion thoughts. Photos have a depth that is greater than we can imagine. They are tangible memories, moments of frozen time, and visual story- tellers that can be more thought provoking than Socrates. A picture is the strange line between the inner world, and the world around us. When I take a picture of a street, it's not just pavement. This road has meaning. Imagine how many people have walked on this road, how many lives has this road been a part of? What if a life was taken on this road? Now, look at those two double solid lines. These two lines guide your life. Without them, how would you function? They tell you, don't cross us and you listen. You know that oncoming traffic is beyond those lines.

You see, photography is how I am able to express what is going on in my mind. I can take pictures of the world around me and somehow, the camera lens captures something greater than what is before you. Just like how using glasses helps you see the world around you, seeing through the camera lens helps you see the world inside of you.

2.The inner world of a person is the essence of who they are. Expressing it is significant in shaping society and learning about ourselves. The many ways in which we reveal our inner worlds are innumerable, but for me writing is the best way I can do so.

In first grade, I wrote down in my class yearbook, "My faorite subject is writing. I felt proud when I learned to do writing." (Yes, I spelled favorite without the "v"). I didn't realize it at the time, but writing was my way of expressing what was on my mind. As time progressed, my favorite school subject became my creative outlet, and I realized how important writing was to me.

Everything I write has a piece of me in it. Inadvertently, I pour my feelings into my stories, revealing my inner world to the outside world. As I write, I feel like I am rationalizing my thoughts and little by little, I learn more about myself. Expressing my inner world through writing also gives me a voice and allows me to share different ideas that can resonate with others. By communicating my thoughts through words, the world around me is able to become a place of diversity and change.

Using writing as my form of introspection allows me to understand my inner world and express it clearly. It gives me release, clarity, and a voice in society. I believe that expressing our inner world is the key to understanding ourselves and shaping the world around us. Self-expression, in essence, creates the world around us.
EF_Susan - / 2,364 12  
Nov 4, 2010   #2
...and I discovered that photography was much more to me than what was in the picture.

They are tangible memories, moments frozen in time, and visual story- tellers, that can be more thought provoking than Socrates.

Imagine how many people have walked on this road, how many lives has this road has been a part of?

... the camera lens captures something greater than what is before me .

Just like how using glasses helps you see the world around you, seeing through the camera lens helps you see the world inside of you.I like this sentence!

------------
In first grade, I wrote down in my class yearbook, "My favorite subject is writing.

I felt proud when I learned to do writing." (Yes, I spelled favorite without the "v").

I think both versions are very creative and answer the prompt nicely.
mariatateno 6 / 35  
Nov 13, 2010   #3
I like the first one more. Maybe focus more on the 2nd part of the question, How the world around you responds.
Cloud_Tek9 - / 17  
Nov 13, 2010   #4
Just like howusing glasses helps you see the world around you, seeing through the camera lens helps you see the world inside of you.

I didn't know why liked taking such random pictures; I had never thought about it.

They are tangible memories, moments of frozen time, and visual story- tellers that can be more thought provoking than Socrates. -this sentence seems a bit bunched up so i say give room for it to breathe and flower.

Example: They are tangible memories, they are moments of frozen time; they are visual story-tellers and more thought-provoking than Socrates himself. If you don't like it, its alright. Still the sentence bugs me

You know thatThe oncoming traffic is just beyond those lines.

For the first version (which I like better), try to keep the subject as yourself. I read through it and changed the we and us to about you. Check it:

I looked into the lens, and a new world was on the other side. I knew I was still in the same place, but it felt like a sort of parallel universe. This world had a different feel to it. Finding the perfect angle, I snapped a shot of this parallel universe and lowered the camera. Suddenly, I was back in a familiar place again . Everything was back to normal. I didn't know why liked taking such random pictures; I had never thought about it. It just grew on me. Before, I'd snap photos of pretty sunsets and flowers, but something inside of me wanted to delve deeper, and I discovered that photography was much more than what was in the picture.

They say A picture is worth a thousand words. It's also worth a million emotions and a billion thoughts. Photos have a depth that's greater than we I can imaginecan be imagined . They are tangible memories, moments of frozen time, and visual story- tellers that can be more thought provoking than Socrates. A picture is the strange line between the inner world, and the world around us me. When I take a picture of a street, it's not just pavement. This road has meaning. Imagine how many people have walked on this road, how many lives have this road been a part of? What if a life was takensomeone died on this road? Now, look at those two double solid lines. These two lines guide your my life. Without them, how would you I function? They tell you me, don't cross us and you I listen; You I know that oncoming traffic is just beyond those lines.

You see, photography is how I am able to express what is going on in my mind. I can take pictures of the world around me and somehow, the camera lens captures something greater than what is before you . Just like how using glasses helps you see the world around you, seeing through the camera lens helps you see the world inside of you.

You say photos guide you; expand on that.

Alright. I like the creativity. Can you read my transfer paper and help me out? Thanks


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