Facing the unknown is difficult; How Never Fear Change applies to me!

Can anyone please look over my essay? I don't think it's very strong but it's all I have. Thanks ahead of time!

Currently it is at 310 words. Also the deadline is very soon so any advice would be much appreciated.

Topic: The expression "never fear / change" can be interpreted many ways. How might it apply to your life? (250-400 words)

Facing the unknown is difficult.
When I stepped onto the edge, my heart was racing. The words of encouragement coming from my peers and advisor did nothing for me. I kicked a small rock into the "keyhole" and waited for the splash, but it never came. As I looked to the pool below, I grasped my rope tight and shakily said "I'm ready."

While I had rappelled many times before, this was unlike any other. I was on Caravan my freshman year in Paria Canyon, UT, where my canyoneering group and I were to rappel over a hundred feet into a pool of water ten feet deep. My first instinct was to be afraid. It wasn't because I didn't trust myself, nor was it the height. It was the sheer fact that I had never done what I was about to do.

Not long into the rappel, my fear turned to excitement and the whole experience was exhilarating. I felt like I was flying and the daunting water below became a cool, refreshing relief from the heat of the day. It seemed ridiculous that only a few seconds before I was terrified to leave the safety of the ledge above.

I've used my realization in Paria Canyon as a motivation to go out on a limb, even if I'm not sure what the results will be. I cannot say that I've never feared new experiences again, but I can say that I've had a new outlook on them. The quote "never fear / change" tells me to never be afraid of what the future may hold. Change is the one aspect of life that will always occur and can never be avoided. Overall, my best memories are those when I went out of my way to face my fears, instead of letting them overcome me and I'll never regret that.

Your writing is very impressive. It has a very good flow and I only wish you improve this line to keep up with the rest (nothing wrong with it, but it is slightly lower compared to the presentation of other sentences). Also, your prompt is focused on "Change" and I wish if you had more emphasis on that when you explained Paria Canyon experience. The reader gets that idea in a bit lower degree and he mostly feels that you are talking about facing a challenge. This is my personal view and overall, I think you've done a good job. Good Luck!

dumi,
First of all, thank you!
Which line exactly do you mean that doesn't fit the rest?
If I added something like At first, I thought the change from my normal style to this type of rappelling was beyond my abilities, but once I experienced it, I knew I could handle unforeseen challenges. would that help clarify how I feared the change but I surpassed it?

Sorry.... this always happens to me when keep commenting on so many threads at a time. This is the one;


This is not grammatically incorrect or even lacks clarity. I wish you presented it in a more creative way... Just a thought :)


I think it's better you tell about the change at the beginning of experience.I mean while you begin to talk about your experience (don't wait until you finish telling them the experience) Take the focus "need for changing your style"

Thanks for your thoughts! I was so ready to be done just a few minutes before you replied so I submitted it (oops). I kept what I wrote for both but I wish I changed what you said, oh well. But now all my college applications are done and I'm happy anyways (:

Ok, don't worry....It's not a major thing. I just felt it didn't keep up with the rest because the rest was so impressive. But you really don't have to worry about it as that sentence itself is an ok one.... I personally like what you've written and kept giving you suggestions :) You've done a good job and hope for good results too :)

Good luck!