'when my family broke' - VT short answer

So i have to write a short response for a "If there is something you think would be beneficial for the Admissions Committee to know as we review your academic history, please take this opportunity to explain." I think this fits please let me know what you think

When I think of the word "family," I think of unity, but when I think of my "family" I think of broken. You see my oldest sister gave birth to my niece, Allison, on December 4, 2009. Incapable of taking care of her, Ali came to my home 2 days later. With both of my parents working they were unsure of being able to raise a 10th child. My sister, Megan, and I decided that we would do whatever we could to help. We set up a crib in her room and were up at all hours with Ali, even if this meant I had a test the next morning. [...]

I couldn't see any keen insight in your essay. Academic history is barely mentioned.

You gave insufficient explanation what influence did your family situation affected you.

I corrected some grammatical errors. Please carefully revise your essay.

I think of broken - I think of breakdown. Since you said unity, I think it's better to replace broken with a noun to make a parallel sentence.

even if this meant I had a test the next morning - what are you trying to say by inserting 'this'?

everything was perfect up until the other grandparents - everything was perfect when other grandparents

won due to their attorney telling my parents - won because their attorney told my parents

if Ali were never to be born my grades would be better - if Ali had never been born, my grade would have been better

:)