Unanswered [7] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Undergraduate   % width   Posts: 5


Family history inspiration (UCF Essay) !



jessawesomeness 1 / 3  
Aug 26, 2012   #1
Prompt is How has your family history, culture or environment influenced who you are?

I just need proof reading thanks so much!

My family has a humble beginning just like many other Hispanic families. With proudly native Colombian parents, they were two of many hopeful foreigners chasing after the American dream. My father started as a young bike messenger and waiter in New York City and developed a career in aviation where he became the first Colombian pilot of the largest commercial plane in the world, the Airbus A380. As a kid, he would tell me stories of his High school years, playing genius pranks on his friends, and causing chaos to his neighborhood. His fascination with airplanes had always stuck with him when he left home at age 17 to live in the states. Fast-forward 30 years, and hundreds of hours of airtime later, his passport is filled with stamps from every country you didn't even know existed. "Never in a million years I would think I would be where I am." He always says. Similar stories to my Dad have been told endless amount of times. Rags to riches and even the coveted American dream all relate to what everyone strives to be, successful and happy, exactly what my Dad became. When I was little, he was the coolest person in the world that I want to be like. An independent, adventurous, open-minded young lady is how I imagine describing myself to my grandchildren when I'm aged and wrinkly. My old mans motto is work hard, and play harder, a motto that he still follows to this day; Living life to the fullest is cliché but no statement is truer. My inspiration from my father, huge potential for success and an even bigger love for traveling makes me, me, Jessica.

Liebe 1 / 524  
Aug 27, 2012   #2
and causing chaos to his neighborhood

^Could giveo ff the wrong impression.

his passport is filled with stamps from every country you didn't even know existed.

^What makes you so sure that I dont know these countries existed?

Fairly informal, and lots of grammar mistakes. Revise your essay and it should improve.
OP jessawesomeness 1 / 3  
Aug 27, 2012   #3
Thank you so much Leibe!
What would you recommend to more formal?
Serife - / 1  
Aug 27, 2012   #4
Do you think that destiny is for losers because it is just a stupid excuse to wait for things to happen instead of making them happen.İf we dont strugle to get anything what we want,it will not belong to us .Unless we study the chance will knok our doors. in my opinion this statement is certainly right for several reasons.

Who will control this essays introduction part.could please help somebody me because ı have to pass İELTS exam and i still dont feel ready


Home / Undergraduate / Family history inspiration (UCF Essay) !
Do You Need
Academic Writing
or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳