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essay- family influence An college application essay



caozeyuan 3 / 9  
Jul 8, 2013   #1
PLease help me wiz the following essay. I need to hand it in tomorrow so I rushed through wirting it today. I want some constructive idea, as much as possible!

Throughout my childhood and teenage years, my parents have put great effort in shaping me into a great person. Because they help me building many positive personalities, I am now A person with strong sense of justice, sympathetic, and many others. However, I believe passionate, challenging and optimistic are three personalities that affect me the most.

One of the most influential thing my father did to make me passionate is to discuss many cutting-edge biology issues with me. When I first went to the lab at Peking University, I was amazed by how advance it was. So I just focus on the lab techniques rather than the idea behind these experiments. To help me think more deeply about lab researches, my father talked about experiments when he saw magazines or newspapers discussing them. Then makes me realize that doing research is not merely working with high-tech equipment, it's more about thinking critically and apply basic knowledge to solve problems. So after a few weeks, when I look at my lab work, I looked at bigger pictures, that is , how to think as a scientist.

Also, my parents encourage me to take great challenges. Our school offers a math course called " Further Math", which is the most tough math course offered my the CIE committee. I enrolled in to but I have never expected that I would enormous difficulty right form the start. Because the textbook is every abstract and the homework is extremely difficult, I thought that I'd better drop it. However, my idea was immediately rejected by my parents who said that trying to take challenge and then I would grow up. So I put a lot of efforts into studying it, searching related materials online and buy math reference books. Now I am quite enjoying this course and I even got an A in my first exam.

The third character that my parents help me building up is an optimistic personality. When I was at junior school, my classmates always laugh at me because I run slowly than most other students. They poke fun at me whenever there is a PE test, so I often run to home, crying all the way. At home, my parents would comfort me and say that it's not a big deal because every one has strengths and weaknesses. Although I do not run very fast, I read lots of books so I acquire knowledge much faster than other people. My parents taught me that I should not be disappointed by failures because one will encounter numerous failure throughout life, so failure is nothing special but is something worthy reflecting upon. They said that everything has good and bad effects, if I can learn to look at the good side, then I will be optimistic and gain a happy life.

My parents really had great influence on me, teaching me important view of life, and building up my positive personalities. I will take the words my parents said to me all the time and use them to guide my life

reza56t 1 / 3  
Jul 8, 2013   #2
Throughout my the childhood and teenage years, my parents have put great effort in shaping me into [as] a great person. Because they had been helped me to build many positive personalities, I am now A person with strong sense of justice, sympathetic, and many others has been growth. However, I believe it is believe that passionate, challenging and optimistic are three personalities that affect me the most.

Hi,I think it is better to write formal.Do not use I,my,Our or some things like that;make passive sentences and prevent using I and etc.

It will be better by keeping practice.
OP caozeyuan 3 / 9  
Jul 8, 2013   #3
No, my consoler said it's about what are my parents influence on ME and what I feel, so I think these words are acceptable.
Pahan 1 / 1824  
Jul 8, 2013   #4
Throughout my childhood and teenage years, my parents have put great effort in shaping me into a great person.

.... :D
... You are indirectly saying that you are a great person :D

One of the most influential thing my father did to make me passionate is to discuss many cutting-edge biology issues with me.

these things you can express more creatively;
I remember how my father used to discuss many cutting-edge biology issues with me.

Also, my parents encourage me to take great challenges.

Also my parents always help build my confidence in taking up the challenges in life.
dumi 1 / 6793  
Jul 9, 2013   #5
PLease help me wiz the following essay. I need to hand it in tomorrow so I rushed through wirting it today. I want some constructive idea, as much as possible!

Okkkkk... I hope I'm not too late. Also, since you are running out of time, I try to help with minor fixes to this because you do not have time to attend to our suggestions.

which is the most tough math course offered my the CIE committee

....which is the toughest course offered by the CIE committee.

I enrolled in to but I have never expected that I would enormous difficulty right form the start.Because the textbook is every abstract and the homework is extremely difficult, I thought that I'd better drop it. However, my idea was immediately rejected by my parents who said that trying to take challenge and then I would grow up. So I put a lot of efforts into studying it, searching related materials online and buy math reference books. Now I am quite enjoying this course and I even got an A in my first exam.

I enrolled with this course and soon realized it was extremely difficult for me pursue with limited resources available for me. I then decided to drop the idea of continuing the course, but my parents rejected this idea strongly. They were able to convince me that I should face the challenges bravely despite of the fact they can be extremely hard. So I made lots of efforts to improve my level in the subject and I am today paid off with those sacrifices. I now enjoy this course and already earned an A grading at the first examination.


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