Hi guys, I need help with my CALS essay. As you can see English isn't my first language, so my essay contains a lot of grammatical errors. Any advice, feedback and suggestions which can help me improve my essay is appreciated :) Thank you :)
How have your interests and related experiences influenced the major you have selected in the College of Agriculture and Life Sciences? (Please limit your response to 650 words.)
I took a step closer towards the warung near my house - a Bahasa term for the shabby, coconut-frond weaved kiosk in front of me. Hung from the ceiling and laid across a table is an assortment of various preservative-filled flour chips and brightly-colored tartrazine-containing fizzy drinks. Soon after, a bunch of local kids stormed the place, merrily bought and ate these cheaply-sold nibbles and tidbits without the slightest knowledge about the horrifying amount of toxic chemicals added to them callously by the cold-hearted food capitalists of Indonesia. It is very heart-breaking to see how most of the large packaged-food corporates abuses the lack of knowledge and low-income earning of the working class- a majority in this nation. Through displaying an untrue degree of their products' healthiness in TV commercials, these big corporates coaxes the working class to consume these chemically-hazardous based products for the corporate's personal gain of maximizing their profit, while incrementally and drastically harming the health of these innocent consumers. Knowing that the healthy grain-raisin bars and freshly-prepared frozen yoghurts are off these people's limits due to their expensive, import-taxed prices, these big Indonesian food companies' produces and offers detrimental substitutes which are affordable by the low-income earning consumers. None of these major companies specifically strive to design and concoct healthy yet affordable processed food products available for the consumption of Indonesia's working class. Hence, from a very young age I have dreamed big to become Indonesia's pioneering entrepreneur in setting up a food company that produces economical yet healthy snacks which can be enjoyed by all people.
Staying strong with my dream has become a challenge, as people looked at me with incredulity upon the possibility of it happening. But through my intensive studies in IB Economics, and my hobby of reading local economic articles regarding Indonesia's aggregate food industry, I came to know that with utilizing locally supplied raw materials ranging from the premium quality seaweeds cultivated in the coast-lines of Bali and Lesser Sunda Islands to the unique sago starch extracted from the pith of the endemic plant Metroxylon Sagu found in the tropical forests of Moluccas and New Guinea, I can produce reasonably priced, superior-quality snacks.
My overwhelming passion in food biochemistry led me to take rigorous courses of IBDP Higher Level Chemistry and Biology. Tagged along with ardently-conducted researches on citric acids concentrations of Kintamani oranges and sugar levels of Indonesian company-processed mango juices, this zeal further developed my background knowledge and instilled my inquisitiveness in the technicalities of food manufacturing and management.
By creating a massive-scaled industry focusing on manufacturing healthy and affordable food products using locally available raw materials, I can empower many families by opening new fields of employment, and significantly improve this nation by producing cheap but healthy snacks for everybody's enjoyment. For I believe that the fate of a nation lies in their diet! But in order to fulfill it I have to find the perfect learning environment to become the social food entrepreneur of this country.
Fortunately, Cornell University's Food Science major provides the option for learning the Food Operations and Management. I can focus more on learning the applied business and management skills required to set up and maintain a processed-food factory and business, while still learning technical aspects of food manufacturing. Knowing that my goals are aligned with Cornell's aim of making affordable and nutritious food supply, Cornell University will provide the supportive environment for achieving our mutual goal.
Thus, I believe that Cornell University would provide the essential knowledge in innovating healthy snacks from new crop-sources and applying the related economics and business management on the field of food industry. The incorporation of the fields of economics and science pertaining to food has made Cornell the perfect fit in helping me fulfill my calling.
How have your interests and related experiences influenced the major you have selected in the College of Agriculture and Life Sciences? (Please limit your response to 650 words.)
I took a step closer towards the warung near my house - a Bahasa term for the shabby, coconut-frond weaved kiosk in front of me. Hung from the ceiling and laid across a table is an assortment of various preservative-filled flour chips and brightly-colored tartrazine-containing fizzy drinks. Soon after, a bunch of local kids stormed the place, merrily bought and ate these cheaply-sold nibbles and tidbits without the slightest knowledge about the horrifying amount of toxic chemicals added to them callously by the cold-hearted food capitalists of Indonesia. It is very heart-breaking to see how most of the large packaged-food corporates abuses the lack of knowledge and low-income earning of the working class- a majority in this nation. Through displaying an untrue degree of their products' healthiness in TV commercials, these big corporates coaxes the working class to consume these chemically-hazardous based products for the corporate's personal gain of maximizing their profit, while incrementally and drastically harming the health of these innocent consumers. Knowing that the healthy grain-raisin bars and freshly-prepared frozen yoghurts are off these people's limits due to their expensive, import-taxed prices, these big Indonesian food companies' produces and offers detrimental substitutes which are affordable by the low-income earning consumers. None of these major companies specifically strive to design and concoct healthy yet affordable processed food products available for the consumption of Indonesia's working class. Hence, from a very young age I have dreamed big to become Indonesia's pioneering entrepreneur in setting up a food company that produces economical yet healthy snacks which can be enjoyed by all people.
Staying strong with my dream has become a challenge, as people looked at me with incredulity upon the possibility of it happening. But through my intensive studies in IB Economics, and my hobby of reading local economic articles regarding Indonesia's aggregate food industry, I came to know that with utilizing locally supplied raw materials ranging from the premium quality seaweeds cultivated in the coast-lines of Bali and Lesser Sunda Islands to the unique sago starch extracted from the pith of the endemic plant Metroxylon Sagu found in the tropical forests of Moluccas and New Guinea, I can produce reasonably priced, superior-quality snacks.
My overwhelming passion in food biochemistry led me to take rigorous courses of IBDP Higher Level Chemistry and Biology. Tagged along with ardently-conducted researches on citric acids concentrations of Kintamani oranges and sugar levels of Indonesian company-processed mango juices, this zeal further developed my background knowledge and instilled my inquisitiveness in the technicalities of food manufacturing and management.
By creating a massive-scaled industry focusing on manufacturing healthy and affordable food products using locally available raw materials, I can empower many families by opening new fields of employment, and significantly improve this nation by producing cheap but healthy snacks for everybody's enjoyment. For I believe that the fate of a nation lies in their diet! But in order to fulfill it I have to find the perfect learning environment to become the social food entrepreneur of this country.
Fortunately, Cornell University's Food Science major provides the option for learning the Food Operations and Management. I can focus more on learning the applied business and management skills required to set up and maintain a processed-food factory and business, while still learning technical aspects of food manufacturing. Knowing that my goals are aligned with Cornell's aim of making affordable and nutritious food supply, Cornell University will provide the supportive environment for achieving our mutual goal.
Thus, I believe that Cornell University would provide the essential knowledge in innovating healthy snacks from new crop-sources and applying the related economics and business management on the field of food industry. The incorporation of the fields of economics and science pertaining to food has made Cornell the perfect fit in helping me fulfill my calling.