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'the Father of Modern Lahore' Transfer essay for Georgia Tech - Program of Study



waqametu 3 / 4  
Feb 17, 2016   #1
this is my transfer essay for georgia tech. should i add information about my current university? and how else can we improve this essay
Prompt: What interests you about your selected program of study?

Sir Ganga Ram was an engineer who is largely consider to be the Father of Modern Lahore. During the late 19th and 20th centuries, he designed and developed most of the major construction projects in Lahore. These projects included several universities, hospitals, power plants and even towns, most of which are still integral parts of the city. He also transformed 50,000 acres of desert near the city into fertile fields by lifting water using a hydroelectric plant and a complex irrigation system. His work has inspired me to not only fulfill my desire to create something magnificent but to do it in a way which could benefit the people around me. Because of this, I decided to choose civil engineering as my program of study.

At the School of Civil and Environmental Engineering at Georgia Tech, I will be able to master topics such as fluid mechanics and strength of materials under one of the most accomplished faculties around the world. I would get the chance to carry out research with fellow engineers in areas of interest such as clean energy solutions and infrastructure development in cities.

Outside the classroom, I will get the chance to learn new skills, interact with other engineers, and further develop my ideas by joining clubs like Engineers for a Sustainable World at Georgia Tech and taking part in activities at the Student Competition Center.

With the skills and knowledge I would acquire from Georgia Tech, I will be able to follow the footsteps of Sir Ganga Ram by improving the living conditions of people living in Lahore without access to necessities such as water and electricity through meaningful development. Georgia Tech will enable me to become a great engineer whose contributions would be no less important than those of Sir Ganga Ram.

Mustahsan 1 / 1  
Feb 17, 2016   #2
Your essay is too small and poorly structured. I will suggest you following edits:

Try to structure essay in 3 parts, it does not mean that it should contain only 3 paras there can be more than 3. BUT one para for Introduction and one para for Conclusion is advisable. Main body can be divided into small 2 or 3 paras. Try to write 500-550 hundred words. It's length should be about one page not more not less.

.
-Introduction (tell how you get interested in Civil Engineering, focus on yourself. Just give an example that how Sir Ganga Ram changed the face of Lahore don't write his biography, Include achievement if any)

- Main Body (tell why you want to transfer, you can say Georgia Tech has high international ranking, they are ahead in research work, their faculty is highly qualified etc. Go to the University website do some research and then compare those things with you own university- The difference that you felt between these 2 institutes are the things forced you to study in Georgia Tech , Tell what things you will learn here like you are enthusiastic that you will develop geo-technical investigation skill and you also want to do your thesis in it etc )

- Conclusion (tell studying there can help secure you a great career, you can come back to Pakistan and work for companies like NESPAK etc be specific,don't say you will change the face of Lahore. You can just say by doing my Job I will be contributing towards the development of my country. And please don't mention SIr Ganga Ram here.)

After following these instructions you can send it again for a review.

Hope this can help.


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