Hi, I would greatly appreciate and input/criticism into my essay. I am afraid my prompt may be too cliche. What do you think?
Prompt: Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.
Starting from when I was young, I never had the kind of playing catch in the park father-to-son relationship with my father. To this day, my papa, as I call him, still vividly remembers a time when he came back to visit my mother and I in India. I was about two or three years old at the time and my dad had moved...
After edits:
I have not come from a world of great adversity, calamities, or affliction. However, the experiences that I have had gave me direction, although I might not have known it at the time. At five years old, my mother and I immigrated to the United States from India. We came to join my father, who had already been living here and working arduously to accumulate savings so that we could live together. Just a few months after we had arrived, my younger brother, Pavit, was born. With the new duty of having to support two children, both of my parents took on strenuous jobs with seemingly endless work hours. Due to this, my brother and I did not have much of a normal upbringing by our parents. Our grandparents assumed most of the obligation of taking care of us. However, they were aging and becoming decrepit. This meant that I soon had to take over the daily chores of raising my younger brother.
By the time I was in middle school, I had to bear the full commitment of caring for my 8-year-old brother. I can still recall the early mornings where I was awakened by the buzz of my alarm clock so that I could prepare not only myself for school, but also my brother. First, I would prepare his attire for that day and lay it out for him on his bed and then continue on to packing his lunch. After this daily ritual, we would depart as he would walk to school. However, my day did not end at that. When we returned from school, I would continue to feed and assist him until my mother arrived from work. Nevertheless, I did not view it as a nuisance. Instead, I took pride of nurturing my younger brother. The whole while, my parents appreciated the effort on my part and reminded me that one day my contributions would enable me to be successful.
Despite the fact that my parents reminded me of that, I never really considered where I would flourish. It was only in High School that I first became intrigued by science. I was more fascinated by its practical applications and I decided that I wanted to pursue a career in the medical field. My ultimate ambition would be to become a doctor; not only just a doctor, but an inclination towards pediatrics to be specific. My experience with nurturing and loving my brother into the young man that he has become today has encouraged me to better the lives of other young children as well.
Prompt: Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.
Starting from when I was young, I never had the kind of playing catch in the park father-to-son relationship with my father. To this day, my papa, as I call him, still vividly remembers a time when he came back to visit my mother and I in India. I was about two or three years old at the time and my dad had moved...
After edits:
I have not come from a world of great adversity, calamities, or affliction. However, the experiences that I have had gave me direction, although I might not have known it at the time. At five years old, my mother and I immigrated to the United States from India. We came to join my father, who had already been living here and working arduously to accumulate savings so that we could live together. Just a few months after we had arrived, my younger brother, Pavit, was born. With the new duty of having to support two children, both of my parents took on strenuous jobs with seemingly endless work hours. Due to this, my brother and I did not have much of a normal upbringing by our parents. Our grandparents assumed most of the obligation of taking care of us. However, they were aging and becoming decrepit. This meant that I soon had to take over the daily chores of raising my younger brother.
By the time I was in middle school, I had to bear the full commitment of caring for my 8-year-old brother. I can still recall the early mornings where I was awakened by the buzz of my alarm clock so that I could prepare not only myself for school, but also my brother. First, I would prepare his attire for that day and lay it out for him on his bed and then continue on to packing his lunch. After this daily ritual, we would depart as he would walk to school. However, my day did not end at that. When we returned from school, I would continue to feed and assist him until my mother arrived from work. Nevertheless, I did not view it as a nuisance. Instead, I took pride of nurturing my younger brother. The whole while, my parents appreciated the effort on my part and reminded me that one day my contributions would enable me to be successful.
Despite the fact that my parents reminded me of that, I never really considered where I would flourish. It was only in High School that I first became intrigued by science. I was more fascinated by its practical applications and I decided that I wanted to pursue a career in the medical field. My ultimate ambition would be to become a doctor; not only just a doctor, but an inclination towards pediatrics to be specific. My experience with nurturing and loving my brother into the young man that he has become today has encouraged me to better the lives of other young children as well.
