Help Needed for my NUS Undergraduate Essay,Major Computer Science
I grew up in a state where till 10th grade the power of memorization of a student is what is being evaluated, I had very different outlook on the topic of education. Mostly because my father always encouraged me to think outside the box and told me that Grades don't test my Intelligence, He kept telling me that the "The goal of true education is, Intelligence plus character.", Which is also why I was always so different than rest of the students at my school .I emphasized less on memorizing and more on understanding the concept of what was being taught.
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A 3 day meal? What is that? Once again, this is a very trite essay. Since you want to help 500 million people, you might as well share with the reader what you plan on doing to achieve this. Admissions Officers are tired of reading these same types of essays where people say they want to save the world and then offer no solutions and even worse, do not show that they have even begun to try. Think on a smaller scale. Then your story would be more reasonable. Talk about how you will utilize computer science to help you improve the lives of people in a small town, tribe etc...-Admissions Advice Online
My take on your essay is this. Consider what the prompt is truly asking you to discuss. Are you supposed to concentrate on the importance of education or your goals for the future and how your chosen major plays a role in it? It would have really helped better if you had provided the actual prompt for this essay so that the other advisers here could have gotten a better picture of what you are supposed to write about. By the way, are you sure you wanted to say they could not afford a "3 day meal" and not "3 meals a day?" There is marked difference between the meaning of the two statements which changes the meaning and understanding of your essay by the reader. Rather than presenting this generic essay that looks to the importance of education in 2 manners, try to concentrate on what the prompt is really asking you to discuss and revise your content accordingly.
I will first start off to help people on a smaller scale, donate clothes and food, and ask well educated people to educate the children and especially women in the families. I would like to have a contract with some hospitals to provide with free medical checkups, and search a lawyer and then go through every law in our country which might benefit the poor with government schemes. Help them to get some jobs and students some scholarships. Then I would take some help from the Non- Government Organization and ask them to follow my methods and bring about a change in their respective regions. I would have fund raisers and collection drive every 6 months to raise money and help me donate money to the people who need it and even make sure that these people's talents are showcased here for the people to hire them.
This section is an opportunity for you to elaborate on the information you have provided earlier. You may wish to discuss a special talent, a personal experience or an activity that you have been involved in that is of relevance to the course that you are applying for at the university.(2000 char) . [ THERE IS NO SPECIFIC TOPIC GIVEN FOR ME TO WRITE ABOUT ]
You chose a highly personal topic to write about and I have to say that it really makes your essay very interesting to read about. The latter part of your essay is not a required portion of the prompt and should not be included in the revised essay thought. The prompt instructs you to only pay attention to the narrative related to the way that you have a personal experience that is relevant to your chosen major. Rather than telling us your plans about how you plan to resolve the issues, you should instead discuss how these events helped you realize that you needed to pursue this specific college course. The prompt needs a memorable experience from your part and the narrative that you wrote almost falls under that category. You just need to delete the unnecessary portions. Everything that you wrote in red does not qualify as a part of your essay. So you need to revise it to better respond to the prompt.
I grew up in a state in India where till 10th grade the power of memorization of a student is what is being evaluated, I had very different outlook on the topic of education. Mostly because my father always encouraged me to think outside the box and told me that Grades don't test my Intelligence, He kept telling me that the "The goal of true education is, Intelligence plus character.", Which is also why I was always so different than rest of the students at my school .I emphasized less on memorizing and more on understanding the concept of what was being taught.
But I was very inquisitive and that is why I always explored outside of my textbooks. My never ending curiosity has made me learn about several topics Psychology, Quantum Physics, Wonders of the Mind, Astrology, Literature, Fashion, Vibrations, Ancient Indian Medicine, and History of the world etc. My father being a very spiritual person always read me various stories which made me humanitarian to the core, which encouraged me to help people around me. I have conducted workshops for the poor and even donated food, clothes and money to them, taught them basic knowledge required about health care and math. Helped them to get common jobs rather than begging on the roads.
India is a place where 40% of population comprising 500 million is extremely poor. Such people don't get to afford 3 meals a day. And I would want to be the person to change that, but as Late Mr. Nelson Mandela said "Education is the most powerful weapon which you can use to change the world". I would like to pursue my education first and then help those 500 million people or more to end their excruciating pain of survival without hope.
Computer Science is been proven very effective to shape our future. Computer science is an integral part of our lives, shaping virtually everything from the objects around us to the ways in which we communicate, travel, work, and play. And the computer revolution has just begun - CS is now a key enabler for discovery and innovation in most other fields of endeavor, making it an incredibly relevant course of study.
The fact that I can invent the future by developing architectures and techniques for more advanced computing, it makes me feel alive and happy to be able to use my technical skills with creativity and vibrant ideas to use. CS being a powerful tool for making a positive difference in the world, I can't be happier than to use my skills to help people by understanding their needs and innovating as per the requirements of people. It's a field of unbounded potential - and I am more than ready to change the world!