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"my favorite class:Organic Chemistry", Why Emory Supplement-Intro and Conclusion



twizzlestraw 12 / 81  
Jan 15, 2010   #1
Hey I'll be happy to return the favor, I just want some feedback on whether or not I should keep this approach - the problem with it, is I have already taken up over 150 words with my beginning and ending - and the word limit is 250. =(

Anyway, in my body I was going to mention somethin about my participation in Emory's weekly service activities (tutoring at Toomer Elementary) and my research project for Emory's INSPIRE Program (I'll probably make up some specific research problem) and possibly mention something abot me picking up some trash or something becasue Emory has a really great green reputation.

Any feedback would be awesome - If you want me to edit yours just leave the link!
Thankksss!

PROMPT: Many students decide to apply to Emory University based on our size, location, reputation, and yes, the weather. Besides these valid reasons as a possible college choice, why is Emory University a particularly good match for you?

I take a seat in the front row of my favorite class: Organic Chemistry. Professor Weinschenk proceeds to begin his lecture when a limping skeleton followed by an entourage in black enter our classroom and approach him. My classmates and I bustle with excitement. After a few moments, Professor Weinschenk turns to us with a wry smile and sighs: "Class dismissed." Enthusiastic high fives are exchanged as we all simultaneously recite: "thanks Dooley!"

BLAH BLAH BLAH BODY STUFF

As I close my eyes I think about who I have become. A sleepy smile works it way across my lips as I realize that Emory has changed me: I am more conscientious my passions have been ignited and I know that as Emory has changed me, I am ready to change the world. My smile slowly disappears as I fade off into unconsciousness, proudly thinking to myself: this is why Emory.

JRob105 4 / 10  
Jan 15, 2010   #2
I think the intro takes up too many words for your limit, and I don't understand what it's leading to.

I would focus more on just answering the prompt since your body topics seem like they may require explanations, that may be lengthy.

I like the ending but it doesn't relate to what you've already written. If you can make it relate then keep it. Also, the last phrase this is why Emory almost doesn't sound right in the word play to me, but I'm not completely sure.

I think you have the basic outline to make it a great though.

If you could critique my essay I would greatly appreciate it essayforum.com/undergraduate-admission-essays-2/swimming-has-taught-te xas-am-essay-topic-c-15001/


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