22nd of February 2012/ Most memorial day of your life?

My name is Prajol Smith . I am the second born and first male child in a family of seven children. We all grew up in a small town near the un-delineated borders of Ogun State, so we like to say we live at Lagos. My family is a closely knit one especially because the children had to practically share everything as we did not have so much. My father who was absent most of the time, worked at the post office as a civil servant so he really did not earn much, while my mother a foodstuff trader of proceeds from our farmland. She was such a hardworking woman, a dedicated mother and always did her possible best to cater for us.

I was privileged to have a formal education as the first son unlike my elder sister who was since married off; now I have a job on the island and do my bit to support my family.All along, it was my father who we have always known had health issues- he once sustained an injury to his left foot which simply refused to heal and when he eventually visited the hospital, he was said to be diabetic. Now I try my best to ensure he does run out of his drugs. My mother on the other hand, seemed to be in good health.

The 22nd of February 2012 is the most memorable day of my life. My dear mum had already cooked very early in the morning that day and offered to serve me breakfast which I humbly declined; "Save my own for me till evening" I had nicely replied her, but alas, those were going to be my last words to her.

What do you think until now?

so far it looks good.... but if you don't continue more than I think it looks incomplete.

I feel as if this essay is just giving your background info (which is good) but you need to start talking about the most memorable day. start with a hook- maybe just start with the day or a emotion that captures the entire day.. hope this helps! please check out my essay!