I feel like an idiot writing this - Fashion Institue Essay

I feel really stupid writing this essay, i don't know why. I feel like it's not good enough or something, idk. It's totally not finished. I just want some feedback. I'm worried that it doesn't have a good flow.

I believe that if you are so fortunate as to have a passion in your life that consumes you entirely, that's the first thing you think of when waking, the last thing you think of before falling asleep, and has a constant presence as you go about your day, then you should pursue whatever that passion may be at all costs. For me, that passion is photography. As a photographer, I have the ability to capture expressions, emotions, ideas, moments in time. I have the ability to convey my interpretations of the world around me through my art. And most important of all, I have the ability to influence and to inspire.

My love of fashion didn't really start until I was fifteen. Until then, I would be happy with any size large t-shirt and pair of $40 jeans from my local JC Penny however, I began to realize not only is fashion an extension of my personality, it's also one of the most expressive creative outlets. With that in mind, I became attracted to the "casual luxury" of Abercrombie & Fitch. I shrank the sizes of my clothes to compliment my body and reinvented my fashion identity. Today, my closet is lined with Calvin Klein, Donna Karan, and the likes. If I can influence one person to wear that blouse, that skirt, or that shoe; or, if I can inspire one person to rethink the way they perceive fashion, then I think I have done my job.

In May, I made the decision to drop out of high school. I didn't drop out because the work was too hard or because I couldn't keep up. I dropped out because I know that education is a life-long process and I am going to seek out those opportunities in which I am offered the greatest range of knowledge. I was able to begin my education in photography and through the courses I've taken and truly inspirational instructors, I've been able to establish a foundation on which my career will be built.

While I was in school, I just felt as though I was wasting my time and I believed that I could be more productive if I dropped out. I prepared for and took the GED and SAT exams and did extremely well on them. I then took Photography I at Bristol Community College in Massachusetts and I've also studied at Photo Manhattan. I wouldn't have been able to establish a proper foundation in photography if I stayed in school and I'm confident in and support my decision to drop out. I don't regret it and I believe it was the best decision for me.

Many people in today's society wake up every morning and detest the work they do but continue to do it every day because it provides them with a sense of security and structure. If I can do away with that structure and security in exchange for a fun, creative, passion-filled career then that is what I am going to do. I want to wake up every morning and love what I do even if it's not wholly satisfying financially.

I don't expect the road on which I'm travelling to be easy. I know where I want to go and what it's going to take to get there so I want FIT to push me to my breaking point, challenge, and force me to become a better student, a better person, and a better photographer. I know I have what it takes to have my dreams realized because I am driven by my passion for my art, my love of fashion, and not by the fear of failure.

Let's explore this. Why? It might be useful for you to do some writing, just for yourself or to share, about this feeling because it might be blocking you from writing the even more fabulous essay you could write.

As for this draft, it's fine but I suspect it could be much stronger. For instance, your introduction is lucid but not particularly attention-getting. I know it might be hard, since you work primarily in visual rather than verbal images, but I wonder if you could come up with an image that shows (rather than tells about) your passion for photography.

It's not deep at all. I think it's just the fact that I HATE talking about myself. Like I could write a whole paragraph and delete it because I think I sound stupid when I talk about myself but, other people thinks it's totally fine. I know, it's weird. I really have to get over it.


This is really helpful. I actually haven't thought of it like this before.

Good. Try it. Show us what you come up with.

What exactly is the prompt for this essay? It is difficult to tell how on-topic it is when the topic remains partially obscure. In any event, you seem to dwell a lot on your decision to drop out of high school, presumably because you are worried that it will be held as a black mark against you on your application. I wouldn't spend so much time talking about it, though. In fact, if you have multiple essay topics, then you should talk about this is whichever one is dedicated to explaining that sort of thing, and focus this one more on wholly positive traits about you.

It's pretty general. "The essay should explain, in no more than 750 words, your choice of major at FIT and include other biographical information that you feel is relevant to your application."

In that case, why not talk a bit more about what you hope to accomplish in the fashion industry?

Carter, I do not know if you are in the process of writing a new essay, or revising the one you have currently posted, but

'I believe that if you are so fortunate as to have a passion in your life that consumes you entirely, that's the first thing you think of when waking, the last thing you think of before falling asleep, and has a constant presence as you go about your day, then you should pursue whatever that passion may be at all costs. For me, that passion is photography.'

^Those first few lines can definitely go.

yea, they're kind of corny lol