A blaring alarm infringes upon my dreams, thrusting me upwards into the world of reality. I pop from my bed like a sizzling kernel, despite the fact that it's only 5 am. As discreetly as possible, I slip on my Nikes and make my way out the cabin door to the deserted running deck on the "Costa Pacifica". The wind is neither my friend nor foe, blasting me astern on my trek towards the bow, and boosting me forwards as I sprint for the aft. Time is of the essence. In just a few hours, we should be arriving in Tunis, Tunisia. Some people call me crazy for getting up so early, or for running four miles around a cruise ship during the summer, but I like to call it dedication. A vacation is no excuse for slacking. The inspirational words of Aristotle come to mind, "We are what we repeatedly do, excellence then is not an act, but a habit." I live by this doctrine of self-discipline, whether it's practicing two hours daily on the piano, accurately completing a week's worth of homework the first day it's assigned, or waking up at the crack of dawn during summer vacation to train for the cross country season ahead.
Other qualities I would use to describe myself would be culturally aware and well-traveled. I have sipped the frigid waters of the Mendenhall Glacier in Juneau, Alaska; haggled in the bustling markets of the Grand Bazaar in Istanbul, Turkey; pursued the mythical Lock Ness Monster in Lake Ness, Scottland; and I have the capability of continuing on for another 34 countries. Because of these experiences, I believe that I bring an international perspective to the classroom. The world is a textbook and it has taught me the differences in many cultures and types of people; but most importantly, I've learned the ways in which were all the same. If given the privilege to attend UCF, I would embrace the diversity amongst the campus, and hopefully be able to share my experiences and knowledge with my fellow Knights.
Incredible essay, especially for its length. The only sentence I would consider re-wording is the following:
"Other qualities I would use to describe myself would be culturally aware and well-traveled"
It seems less advanced than the rest of your paper.
Could you help me rephrase it? I'm all out of creativity
also, "I have the capability of continuing on for another 34 countries" sounds a little wordy. Maybe make it simple, like.. "and the list continues on for another 34 countries" or "I can continue on for another 34 countries". Be careful about grammar when using a semi-colon. Not positive if you can have "and" after that, but I really have no idea.
As for rephrasing, maybe you could play around with something like "I like to think of myself as culturally aware as a result of my extensive travels"
I like that suggestion. I scribbled it down on my hard copy. Thank you:)
completely agree with everything nicarlson said. perhaps you could tie in your "dedication doesnt stop with vacation" phrase to your travels paragraph via "vacation". Like just because you are traveling does not mean you are on vacation either, you are learning from each culture.
Also, I don't like "the world is my textbook", as I think you're trying to emphasize the value of your travels is beyond book smarts that everyone possesses. Don't forget an apostrophe in ways in which we' re all the same
Embrace the diversity is a bit broad. If you're going to UCF, you're going to have to embrace it. Maybe thrive off of?
All are only suggestions, thanks very much for critiquing mine!!
I like the thrive suggestion. The world is a textbook is what I said, not my textbook lol And i like the rhyme you made
