Fireflies - "Significant experience" essay

Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.

Advice would be greatly appreciated. thanks :D

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They were like dancers, I thought. Beautiful, graceful, majestic dancers. I watched their lights flicker on an off, on and off, as they appeared and disappeared in the night sky. Their dance formed a forever moving painting: with each passing flash of the firefly, cool undertones of beauty and serenity would so seamlessly blend with bold highlights of spontaneity and mysticism.

With a childlike sensibility, I grinned and helped myself to a full, deep breath of warm summer air.

My brothers were already chasing the fireflies in the yard. I called after my brothers. They didn't hear me. Or maybe, I thought, they did hear me and chose to ignore me. I rationalized in my young mind that it was probably the latter. But it did not matter. I was going to catch myself a firefly. Heck, I was going to catch myself ten fireflies and raise them. They'd be my very own, and my brothers wouldn't be able to laugh at me or tell me squat about what to do with them. Tonight, I was going to catch myself a firefly.

I stepped somewhat cautiously further into the yard and opened the lid of my jar. When I looked up, a flash of light sparked suddenly in front of my eyes. I turned around quickly, but the light had disappeared. I strained my eyes, looking for the firefly that had so dexterously blended in with the dark grass. And then I saw the flash again.

I grabbed my jar and held it up to the firefly. Quickly, right when the firefly lingered above the jar, I grabbed the lid and snapped my jar shut. I had caught it! I thought. I had caught it.

I looked at the jar, hoping to admire my catch. But the firefly was not in the jar. Where had it gone? I looked at the grass and saw a faint glow of light. It was a firefly, lying in the grass. I looked at it. It was not moving.

I stood still. I was confused. Why wasn't it moving? I stood. I looked. I waited. Why wasn't it moving? It was napping, I thought, it was just napping...

I stood there for some time longer. I gingerly bent down, and very cautiously, very tenderly, I picked up the firefly and placed it in my palm. Its legs were not moving. I felt like a giant; a clumsy, senseless giant. My young hands looked so large around its small body. I looked at it for some time longer, standing still. There was a chill in the warm night air.

I suppose that was the first time I was acquainted with death, with lifelessness. I was confused, but somehow I understood that it could not move anymore, could not fly anymore.

I looked back. Its wings were still glowing. They were no longer flashing, like the wings of the other fireflies, but they were still glowing, however faintly.

Fireflies are very strange creatures. Their light still glows for a good time after they're dead. I smiled, just slightly. Maybe that's how it is with all things, I thought.

^^ your ending is amazing.

i love it! i really do. its like something i have read in 50 essays or something. your an amazing writer.

great topic and everything. with some polishing (ple on this forum will tell you gramatical errors. i dont b.c. i dont wanna screw things up lol) this is a GREAT essay.

GOOD JOB!!

How old were you? I would think that you have seen dead insects before this occasion so I'm not sure if it's the first time you were acquainted with death.

I cannot identify this event's impact on you. Sure you were acquainted with death and I do see that you've realized a principle here but the lesson seems insignificant to me because the principle doesn't apply to your life. Unless you have had loved ones die, you have not witnessed the "light" that glows after something is dead making it an empty statement without anything literal to back this piece of figurative language up.

I agree with Llamapoop123. Your message of what you learnt from the incident is not clear. Talk more about the events impact on you. Just include that and you will be fine. By the way, you write amazing. For a moment, I did imagine myself as you. Good job.

This is just beautiful. The whole story is beautiful. If I would change one thing it would be, "Fireflies are very strange creatures,." because that is a weak statement with which to begin a very strong conclusion.

The essay is very well-written and touching. If you were writing this for an English class, it would be just the thing you needed. However, I'm not entirely sure it works for this particular assignment. You would normally want to write this essay about an experience that cultivated in you a quality or a set of qualities that would make you a good candidate for admission to the university. On the other hand, its originality might balance out the lack of explicit relevance. Either way, it is something you might want to think about carefully before sending it off.

^His age does not matter to be honest. Even if he has seen dead insects before, the writer has used the giant simile in the earlier paragraph, and readers understand that that the writer actually understands death with lifelessness, because the writer was responsible for it and can see it. Even if it was not the first time, readers can easily understand how this death actually means something. For example lamapoop, you may have been four and seen loads of insects that you did not care for, dead. If however, your favorite pet died when you were the same age, that death would be a lot more impactful.


^Lamapoop, I am not sure what is your approach to reading these essays, but not every essay has to be with a principle you can identify with and you believe can be applied to life. People learn and understand life lessons differently. I do agree that the writer here has not addressed how she has been impacted by this event.

I do not mean to be rude here, but llamapoop, I remember your UMich essay and even I thought that I could not identify the impact on you, or how that principle applied to your life, yet alone anyone else's. In your setback essay, I remember you talking about the impact. Even though I could not relate to it, I understood it. However, if you do believe that application essays should feature a principle that can be applied to life, then I suggest you revise your essays because I think you did not include this in the ones that I have read.

Anyways, remember that the Admissions Commitee do have emotions. When they read essays, they do not read only the lines as if it is a Critical Reading passage. They will allow their senses of understanding and emotion to play a role when they read these essays.

The lesson may seem insignificant to you. However, it is not insignificant to the writer, seeing as how she has actually used it for a CommonApp essay. Also, we get the impression that the writer was fascinated with the fire fly, so it is not an empty statement as you have suggested.


^Yep.


^I personally thought that the conclusion could be stronger.


^YES. However, I do not agree with the origninality balancing the lack of explicit relevance. As the writer has been able to interest her readers, readers would want to understand it's influence. If this key piece of information is missing, it is just a well written essay, but not an effective one.

**Also, for the first many paragraphs, each sentence is too short and abrupt for my liking. I would have liked it if I was being 'transported' somewhere when I read the essay, however the continuous use of the full stop after, literally, ever five words, was a harsh reminder of reality. (If you know what I am saying) Anways that is my opinion. I would have preferred some length so as to beautify certain parts of the experience.

The story is engaging.^^ your write is really beutiful.
As others have already said, you should put some emphasis on the impact on you. I have read an essay similar to your, but that essay was about the author huanted a squirrel, and his mother cooked the meat for him. But he feel disgusted and couldn't finish his supper. And he moved on talking the impact of this experience on him.

Remeber your purpose is to show the Ao what kind of person you are? and how deep conclusion you can get from an experience? Delve into the deep side of your experience.

I believe you will do a great job after revising it. ^^ keep working!

I think this incident did cultivate such qualities, but it might be good,in the conclusion, to specify them, particularly in relation to the field you intend to study.

I think you misunderstand me liebe. I simply did not think that the lesson learned by the author


applies to her. After I read her essay I don't see why she cares about her quote here because her experience with the fireflies is literal. Their light actually glows after they're dead but I supposed that she wants it to mean that the effects that others have on you last even after they have gone. She did not show why she thought this quote to be true figurativly which is the point of this quote. I thought it was empty. I think you also misunderstand the lesson of my essay because it's lesson was that we should have our own goals and do things for ourselves. I think that this lesson is very real life and I have shown that it is through my example. If you thought that this was unclear then I will gladly go back and change it. I feel that my experience with my piano teacher taught me this lesson. I see that the firefly has taught her also but never in this essay does it impact her.


I will say it again. I thought that this meant that the first time she saw death was when she saw this dead firefly. I am sorry if I've interpreted this sentence wrong.

^Yes I may have misunderstood. Hopefully, rossetta did not?
Actually, I have to disagree. The lesson does apply specifically to her. Only she talks about the incident and how she was 'affected' by it since she provides self commentary and self analysis on the whole thing.


God knows. That is why the general sentiment on this thread is that she expands and develops her conclusion.


^Alright. I never quite got understood that and I remember your final paragraph had something to do with that. But then again, that is based on my understanding and you do not need to change just...TO PLEASE ME ;)

Yes, we should have our own goals. Since when do people have other people's goals? In turn, that is an own goal to do something similar or exactly as someone else.

Doing things for ourselves? If the world was full of people doing things for themselves, I think the world would be a very different place.


No reason to be sorry. You are allowed to interpret readings however you wish to.

I'd say you definitely want to spell out what you learned from the experience and how it applies to university. If you don't, people are free to draw their own conclusions, which may not be the ones you intend. For instance, my first thoughts, upon reflecting a bit more deeply on the essay, is that it is vaguely chilling. You start out trying to capture a living thing to deprive it of its freedom for your own benefit, and in so doing accidentally kill it. This then fills you with a dark joy. In fact, the essay ends with you smiling softly as you gaze down upon the corpse of your helpless victim.

Alternatively, the story can be read as a conversion moment, in which you decide that you believe in an afterlife and in the persistence of the soul. Depending upon what university you are applying to, and on the biases of the application officers, this might actually be worse, as far as your chances of getting in go.

So, while it is a beautiful essay, make sure you tell the readers exactly what you learned from the experience, and how this makes you a good applicant.

Thanks for the comments, all :)

As reflected by the above posts, my application essays have been criticized for being in a sense too implicit. Too much narrative, not enough explaining. I suppose I'm just having trouble figuring out where and how to explain what I learned without it sounding too sudden.


I think this is a great idea. I plan on majoring in biology. I'm definitely going to try to tie it in somehow...


^ HAHHA oh goodness I would certainly not want an admissions officer thinking that! But I do see your point...I do not want to be construed as a demonic Hannibal Lecter-like character. I need to explain my point...

Thanks again everyone...going to make some important edits.

Perfect. Let's see your revision.