Hi i've applied to Ryerson university this year, however i was told to submit an admission essay. There should be alot of grammar mistakes, and some sentences that do not make such senses. Since my English is not good,,, I hereby ask for help :) !!
Can you guys look over my grammars, and am I doing this right ? Any suggestions ?
Any changes will be welcome and really appreciated !!
Along with your completed Supplementary Application form, please include a separate, one or two page document for each program choice(s) in which you outline the reasons you decided to apply for this program, as well as details and factors relevant to the review of your application. On each document, include appropriate identifying information, including your first and last name, your Ryerson number, and the program choice. The format should be as follows: 250 to 500 words on 8.5" by 11" paper with 1" margins
It is my pleasure to be writing this letter in addition to my current application. I was born in August 28, 1989 in Kabul, Afghanistan and immigrated to Canada in April 2008. I'm looking forward to pursuing an undergraduate degree at Ryerson University. . I firmly believe it is the best university for me because the education I will obtain here will help me to give back to the community at large.
I completed my primary education in Afghanistan, but due to the war and difficult circumstances I emigrated from Afghanistan to Pakistan. Being a minority in Pakistan was never easy since I was often treated unfairly. Despite of all the social and financial challenges, I managed to continue my education. I graduated from high school in 2002 and got enrolled into the Afghan Immigrant University (Watershed University) majoring in computer science. I also attend several other English - speaking Institutes in order to further my education.
I was captivated by the business world ever since I was a teenager. I grew up within a business-minded family; they were role models to me. Sometimes I followed them to work and experienced the world of business first-hand. They taught me how the business ran, such as merchandising and interpersonal relationship. During these years I carefully observed that development of society is on hand of businessmen ajority of individuals will not find a job if these people would not take initiative in setting up such enormous organizations. Since that time, I was immensely motivated to get involved in business not only to earn profit but also to serve the society by providing employment in order to alleviate hunger and poverty from the economy. My parents encouraged me to understand the value of good education. Since childhood I always knew that education was important and I was striving to get access to education that would enable me to do what I want for the rest of my time. But this field of study was non-existent in Pakistan. Therefore, I focus on learning English as second language, which was the only way to continue my further studies if I would travel out of Pakistan. After I have come to Canada, I joined York University the Faculty of Liberal Arts & Professional Studies majoring Business Administration.
In addition to my studies, I am engaged in a variety of extracurricular activities in order to broaden my horizons and gain a competitive edge in my future business career. In the summer of 2008, I worked as intern for Pinstripe in order to know more about the working conditions and sales. I was really amazed after a working with such a hard working team. Almost everyone felt satisfied with my working condition. My significant duties was sale and responding to customers questions and concerns with professional manner in business environment .The insights to being directly involved into the business world and customers during these years gave me an opportunity to develop strong leadership skills. I realized even more how fascinated Aim with business and wanted to learn more about it. I researched the various courses related to business, accounting and economics.
After these years of hard work I have come to conclusion that Ryerson is a step towards accomplishing my goal. My first contact with the with business and economics was since young age. Although I learned only basic theories at that time, but working in Canadian environment, reading several business and economic books afterwards strengthened and my interest in business and economics. I can clearly states that my knowledge, first t hand experience, observations, and strong leadership skills will help me to gain well-established fundamentals and contribute to my success. I choose Ryerson to continue my education because I am concerned not only about studies but also about my professional future. Ryerson has distinctive undergraduate program that blends theory with real-world experience, and in such a program I will be able to transform into a business marvel. I will be honored to be chosen as a student, continuing my education at Ryerson University
Can you guys look over my grammars, and am I doing this right ? Any suggestions ?
Any changes will be welcome and really appreciated !!
Along with your completed Supplementary Application form, please include a separate, one or two page document for each program choice(s) in which you outline the reasons you decided to apply for this program, as well as details and factors relevant to the review of your application. On each document, include appropriate identifying information, including your first and last name, your Ryerson number, and the program choice. The format should be as follows: 250 to 500 words on 8.5" by 11" paper with 1" margins
It is my pleasure to be writing this letter in addition to my current application. I was born in August 28, 1989 in Kabul, Afghanistan and immigrated to Canada in April 2008. I'm looking forward to pursuing an undergraduate degree at Ryerson University. . I firmly believe it is the best university for me because the education I will obtain here will help me to give back to the community at large.
I completed my primary education in Afghanistan, but due to the war and difficult circumstances I emigrated from Afghanistan to Pakistan. Being a minority in Pakistan was never easy since I was often treated unfairly. Despite of all the social and financial challenges, I managed to continue my education. I graduated from high school in 2002 and got enrolled into the Afghan Immigrant University (Watershed University) majoring in computer science. I also attend several other English - speaking Institutes in order to further my education.
I was captivated by the business world ever since I was a teenager. I grew up within a business-minded family; they were role models to me. Sometimes I followed them to work and experienced the world of business first-hand. They taught me how the business ran, such as merchandising and interpersonal relationship. During these years I carefully observed that development of society is on hand of businessmen ajority of individuals will not find a job if these people would not take initiative in setting up such enormous organizations. Since that time, I was immensely motivated to get involved in business not only to earn profit but also to serve the society by providing employment in order to alleviate hunger and poverty from the economy. My parents encouraged me to understand the value of good education. Since childhood I always knew that education was important and I was striving to get access to education that would enable me to do what I want for the rest of my time. But this field of study was non-existent in Pakistan. Therefore, I focus on learning English as second language, which was the only way to continue my further studies if I would travel out of Pakistan. After I have come to Canada, I joined York University the Faculty of Liberal Arts & Professional Studies majoring Business Administration.
In addition to my studies, I am engaged in a variety of extracurricular activities in order to broaden my horizons and gain a competitive edge in my future business career. In the summer of 2008, I worked as intern for Pinstripe in order to know more about the working conditions and sales. I was really amazed after a working with such a hard working team. Almost everyone felt satisfied with my working condition. My significant duties was sale and responding to customers questions and concerns with professional manner in business environment .The insights to being directly involved into the business world and customers during these years gave me an opportunity to develop strong leadership skills. I realized even more how fascinated Aim with business and wanted to learn more about it. I researched the various courses related to business, accounting and economics.
After these years of hard work I have come to conclusion that Ryerson is a step towards accomplishing my goal. My first contact with the with business and economics was since young age. Although I learned only basic theories at that time, but working in Canadian environment, reading several business and economic books afterwards strengthened and my interest in business and economics. I can clearly states that my knowledge, first t hand experience, observations, and strong leadership skills will help me to gain well-established fundamentals and contribute to my success. I choose Ryerson to continue my education because I am concerned not only about studies but also about my professional future. Ryerson has distinctive undergraduate program that blends theory with real-world experience, and in such a program I will be able to transform into a business marvel. I will be honored to be chosen as a student, continuing my education at Ryerson University
