Hey guys,
I recently was accepted to a college (ED) and so now the rest of my applications have to be withdrawn. :D for ED college, :'( for not being able to see what would happen with my EA and regular decision schools.
Well, I thought I would help some of you out by providing my essays for the colleges I applied to.
Also, I put them here so I can see what you guys think of them! Hehe.
Alright, here we go - part I is here(parts II and on will come later when I am done with some homework and school stuff).
College:
University of Maryland - College Park
Note:The essays are separated by the long -------------
If this looks like what I pasted, then the essay starts as the first indented thing below the question.
Scratch that - doesn't appear like it at all! I put an asterisk where the essay starts.
3. "The whole is more than the sum of its parts." - Aristotle
The intellectual, social and cultural differences embraced by the University of Maryland are integral to the fabric of our community. The strength of the University is realized through the contributions of every member of our campus. We understand each individual is a result of his/her personal background and experiences. Describe the parts that add up to the sum of you.
*My first building block is the computer. Constantly moving from state to state for most of my childhood, I had no sense of what a "friend" was as relationships were hard to build in a short time. Thus, the only thing that stayed with me was my computer.
The computer would help support another layer of materials that makes me up: math. I found multiplication tables online and used the built-in calculator on Windows for homework in elementary school. The interest I exhibited back then continues still, and now, I am two years accelerated in my math class.
Computers and math in turn led me to meet friends with the same passions I had, and built upon the foundation of me. They also had other interests which piqued my own and I combined them with my original ones. Moreover, this new mix of interests led me to more friends, and soon, I had a network of them. Friends that I lacked before now were in abundance and I found another family in which its members have so much love for each other.
Every good deed for one another in my new family encouraged me to become more involved in any community service opportunity, another key part needed to construct me. Helping others spread from community work to life in general, and I make it my job to do my best and get rewarded with a smile on someone's face.
Although there are more pieces that compose me, the above four qualities are what hold my structure together and allow additional traits to be added on. My friends and community service work have extended philanthropy in me while math and computers have branched off Computer Science for my major. I'm an additive figure with more potential to be put on.
---------------------------------------------------------------------- ----------------
4. According to Henry David Thoreau, "One is not born into the world to do everything, but to do something." What is your something?
*After working with the tech staff at my school, I was finally asked to join them in the summer as a paid intern. This would enable me to learn more about my favorite subject, technology; yet, with both of my parents working, my then nine-year-old brother cannot be left alone. The cheapest babysitter I could find charged the exact amount of money that I made while working, stripping away a huge incentive to labor for 8 hours a day.
Regardless, I still hired the babysitter and in turn traded passion for money. I had fun correcting faulty hard drives, making batch files to fix monitor screens, and even talking to less computer savvy people about their issues. Though I knew I would essentially not be getting paid, the knowledge I received was worth more than all the money in the world.
That one summer helped me to expand my services to other activities, and I eventually became involved doing community service. Like when I worked with the high school, I also did not get paid, but every single job gave me more information for my own edification. While working at a food pantry, I learned what helping people was all about, and it led me to spread my services to life in general, including my school where I tutor students on a daily basis.
I still can't believe I took a summer job just to hand over all of the money to someone else. But, it was because of my community work and love for computers that I started to realize who I was and what I would be. Now I look forward to helping people as a college professor because by educating people more about technology, only then can people be happier and the problems of tomorrow be eliminated.
This is just here to show others how my essays are so they can get some idea about what to write
That is nice of you, thanks!As for the title of the essay, one of the mods probably changed it so that it would express the TOPICS covered in the essays. That is what we need to do. I'll change the title if you suggest a new one that reflects the topics. Sorry about that! :-)
I like the way you used Aristotle's quote, and I think at the end of that essay you should show how your "parts" add up to something more... If it was my essay I would use the words "sum" and "more" at the end.
Like As an example, when I worked ...
Thanks for sharing these! Congratulations on being accepted.
No problem!
I'm glad this site is here to help out others, so why not do my own part?
I wanted to write more but the word limit (300) was horrible - used all of them in each essay (save one word in the first essay).
I thought I had all of those inconsistencies in grammar corrected! Just shows that an essay can never be perfect...
Don't worry about changing the title - let those who want to see it, see it.
Thank you for posting this!!
You seem very passionate about technology, as evident in both of your essays.
It showed me that colleges want to see your, may I say "quirkiness", with what you love the most.
Congratulations on being accepted! :)
it is good, but i would like to suggest you that the way you used Aristotle's quote, and I think at the end of that essay you should show how your "parts" add up to something more... If it was my essay I would use the words "sum" and "more" at the end.
